Adam, Sarah, and Baby Wolverine

My Miscarriage

2012-01-27T14:45:00.003-07:00

My friend Katie was brave enough to talk about this so I feel that I should be too. Part of me wants too, and the other part of me feels like I need too.

I miscarried at 2:00am on Thursday the 26th.

Adam and I found out I was pregnant on December 15th. It was a surprise, but we were excited. We told our families on Christmas morning. Per an agreement we made when we had our son, we told no one else, cause we were going to wait for a good healthy ultrasound.

Everything was great- in fact all my symptoms seemed to come on late. I scheduled my first doctors appt for Friday the 27 (today). All I was, was super super tired.

On Thursday January 19th I went to the bathroom and noticed a streak of very very light pink on the toilet paper when I wiped. I didn't worry about it. Spotting like this is super normal in a first trimester.

On Friday after I worked out I notice brown blood in my underwear. I research spotting then, and discovered that light pink and brown blood is totally okay, as long as it doesn't exceed the amount you would have in the beginning of your period. So I still didn't worry.

On Saturday every time I wiped I saw blood, brown and pink. This worried me a little and I was nervous all day. That night when I was putting Logan to bed the blood was deep red. I called every doc tors office- I just wanted to talk to someone. But since it was Saturday nobody was in, and Urgent Care wont help you unless you come in.

I have a tendency when I am hormonal and emotional to really over worry. So I didn't do anything. However, I also got about 2 hours of sleep i was so worried. After three horrific nightmares I came out to my couch and watched fell asleep to Friends at around 5.

We skipped church on Sunday because now there was blood every time I wiped, and more than there was before, though not more than at the beginning of a period, and it was dark red or brown, not bright red. My husband gave me an amazing Priesthood blessing in which he told me that everything was part of the Lords plan and that I would be safe. I was up sick with my son all Sunday night and got about 3 hours of sleep.

EARLY on Monday I called my Doctor. I asked if I could switch my doctors appointment from Friday to Monday because I was bleeding red and really worried. The receptionist said that all the appointments were booked. I responded with, "I'm not trying to get in early. I just want an emergency appointment. I am really scared. I will see anyone at any time." She said she couldn't do anything. I asked if I could just talk to the doctor for some comfort and she said no, but she would send a message to the nurses station.

The nurse said I seemed fine, but the fact that the blood was increasing was a little something to worry about. They said I would be fine until Wednesday but that if I was worried to just go to the ER. I went to the ER at 11am.

They did blood work. They did an internal ultrasound. They did a pelvic exam. I cried through everything. The doctor finally came in and told me based on my last period I should be almost 11 weeks along. But since I got pregnant after my first period after my first son, it was possible my cycle was weird and that the baby was at a younger gestational age. On the ultrasound they could see the sac, well attached, and a yolk inside. NO form, no heartbeat. Normal for a VERY young fetus. Not for 11 months.

So I was either much less far along than I thought, or my baby had stopped growing. They couldn't tell now so I they said I MUST have an appointment with my doctor on Thursday- they would put the orders in. The would check my HCG levels then to make sure that they were growing as they should.

When they left to get my discharge papers I broke down and sobbed. Ladies- some times you just know. And I knew. I knew when I had gotten my at home test- I knew my child had passed. I cried to my husband, I cried to my mother, and then I slept for almost 11 hours.

On Tuesday I called my Doctor and said I has been to the ER and the doctors said I needed an emergency Thursday appt. The receptionist said she would call me back. When she did the Doctor was talking through her to me and this was how the conversation went:
"The doctor has looked at your charts and he doesn't think you need to be seen until Monday."
Pause. "Well the ER said I MUST have an appt on Thursday to check my HCG levels and make sure everything is right."
"The doctor says the ER doesn't know that their talking about, you are fine as long as your are not cramping. We wont be able to tell anything until Monday."
"Doesn't HCG change every day? Won't you be able to see an increase by Thursday?"
"Not enough of one. We are cancelling your Friday appointment and will see you on Monday."
"With all due respect, I am bleeding much more now, and it is bright red. I am super scared. Can you please just keep my Friday appointment? Just for my own comfort?"
"No. We will see you on Monday."

I cried more. I was so mad. The doctor had never seen me- the ER had examined me. Wasn't it better to be over cautions? Isn't his job as on OB to give me comfort? Would it have been so hard to keep my already scheduled appt?

On Wednesday My mom called to check on me. With a sigh I told her I wasn't hoping. I knew in my heart that my child has passed. We cried together. I told her about the doctor. She said, "Sarah, if he wont see you until Monday you will probably pass this baby before that. That's why your bleeding is much heavier. There are some things you should know."

My mom's very first pregnancy was a miscarriage, and if she had NOT called me that day and told me what she did I would have freaked out later. There are a lot of things you never hear about miscarriages. One, is that they are PAINFUL. You do not cramp- your body goes into full on labor. And you dont get an epidural at 4 centimeters for comfort. You also not only bleed in a steady stream but you pass material-clots. Large ones. Were talking the size of your first.

By 6 pm on WEdnesday the 26th I started contractions. I started to pass clots the size of a lego man. By 8:30 when Adam and I were lying in bed I was in so much pain I was laying there curled up and moaning. Adam called our friends to come and watch LOgan and we went to the ER. The moment we got to the check in desk I felt something pass out of me and when I went to the bathroom I had started to pass clots the size of golf balls.

They took more blood. They gave me an IV. I sat in the bathroom until we got a room. I sat in the bathroom in our room. They gave me a pelivc exam and an abdominal ultrasound. The ER docs couldnt tell much so they sent for an OB team. In the meantime, I was in so much pain that they gave me a shot of morphione just "to take the edge off". And thats really all it did.

Note: I may be weak when it comes to pain. I only every got to a 4 with Logan before I had an eppy. So the pains I was having now, were WORSE than the contractions that I have EVER experienced with Logan. I also at this point, passed a clot the size of my fist. I was bleeding in a steady drip.

The OB team took us up to Labor and DElivery. They did an intense interal exam which was painful. Adam was amazing- he sat by my side and held my arms and showed me picture after picture of our adorable son. It worked- I even laughed it made me feel so much better.

They did an internal ultrasound and confirmed what I had known since MOnday. The fetus had stopped growing- I could see how the sac was deformed where it had started to decay. They told me there were three ways to progress with my miscarriage now- I could expell things naturally. (meaning satying in my bloody painful mess.) They could give me drugs to make me cramp more and expel things faster. Or they could do a procedure called a DC.

I had researched all this througoughly before- I knew what I wanted. I wanted this to be over, I wanted to get healthy, I wanted to move on. I opted for the DC.

Adam went home to relieve our sitters. The prepped me and by 3 am I was in the OR. It is NOT a scary procedure in the least. The put a hose in your nose (like a breathing hose) and the anethesia is in that. Basically you get sleepy, and fall asleep. Then the doctors go in vaginally, suck out everything in there, and then take a blunt metal rod and softly scrape the sides of your uterus. It takes about 20 minutes.

I was fully awake by four (the nurse said I had been talking- thanking all the doctors- non stop soince I had woken up in the OR :) I was in NO pain. They kept me for two hours to make sure I could keep down food and pee. Then Adam came at 7am and we went home.

Physically- I feel great. I am bleeding like a light period and they say that should last a week. They gave me tylenol for light cramps which they said are normal, and even some perkiset in case i just feel awful. (Ive been taking it at night with another pill to help my uterus shrinks that REALLY makes you cramp. Its nice to fall right to sleep.) I am taking it easy- a lot of time off my feet.

Emotionally- I am back and forth. I get attached to my kids quick. Adam and I pick out names before we even know I am pregant. This baby? If it was a boy it was going to be Aaron Parker. If it was a girl it was going to be Monica Diane. We will still probably use those names on other kids but- this child was real to me. I was already journalying for it. I had rearranged LOgans room to fit it. Adam and I were talking about buying fruinutre. WE had saved money for my mom to come and visit.

I had thought I was over it on Monday- done crying. But on THursday evening, I was reading a book the doctors had given me about dealing with a miscarraige and I cried for an hour. I wrote one last entry to the baby in its journal. I cried that I couldnt touch the cheeks I was so looking forward to kissing. I cried that I wouldnt see or hold the body I had already fallen in love with.

I put all its things in a box- the pictures we took with the pregnancy test. The journal. A wrap I had already bought. My hospital bracelets. I will save them all. Probably forever knowing me. I have a box or folder for all the people I have loved and lost. And I do look at them from time to time.

But I am not devistated. I have experienced the loss of a man I loved in the past, so I know grief. I know that you do not move past it, but learn to be happy even with it. I know the truthfulness of the ressurection, I belive in the plan of salvation.

I know myself well enough to know when to allow myself to be sad- when to cry,. And I know when I am in the danger zone and need to be happy. When that happens I have a chocolate chip cookie, I kiss Logan, I cuddle Adam, and we watch Friends.

My two best freinds here in West Virigina came over today to sit with me and LOgan and play for two hours. We talked about books and movies and all sorts of happy things. They derried my docror for me. And they kept me happy at the moment I knew I would sink. (Becasue today I was suppose to hear my babies heart beat and see its little arms and legs on an ultrasound.)

Adam and Logan have been amazing- I am so glad I have them. I cry as much for gratitude as I do out of sadness now.

But really- we are ok. I feel great- and I know I will pull out of this and return to normal. It will help when I can work out and can have sex again. (I dont care if that it TMI- it works. That is what a spouse and intimacy are there for- to make you feel loved, cared for, and hapopy.)

Adam and I will try again. The doctors say I need two normal cycles before we do, but they highly suggest getting pregnant again before August, when this baby was suppoise to be do. They said it will help me.

So be ready for that news this spring. :) Pray for us- but not more than anyone else. And love your families- the ones you have, the ones you've lost, and the ones you will have. They are the most important people in the world.

And we are doing....

2012-01-14T13:39:00.002-07:00

Awesome!

Don't you hate it when you write a great blog and then hit some button and DELETE it all? Yeah, now you are getting the second bests :) But I thought now that we are well into the year you could use a little update on our lives. But now since I am getting lazy and am still mad for deleting my genius of earlier, I am just going to list it out :) So enjoy.

1. Adam LOVES gross anatomy lab. He is determined to be a surgeon now because he says nothing feels so good as a scalpel in his hand.

2. his first test is on Tuesday and he is stressing hard because he doesn't know how easy or tough it will be so we are study central here. I like tit though because I can actually help this semester. And, I LOVE looking at all the cadaver pictures and hearing all of Adams stories.

2b. Adams best cadaver story? If you are squeamish don't read :) He was dissecting this ladies hand, and so he had to peel the skin back, and its best to do that with your hands, and he said at one point he had his pointer finger UNDER THE SKIN of this ladies pointer finger. Awesome right?

3. We decided to rearrange thing,. This stemmed from Adam needing a cleaner and better place to work- so we got him a corner desk which meant everything in the living room had to be moved. (I like it better- we have a longer though thinner space. But longer works better for kickboxing and crawling practise.) And since I cant leave well enough alone I had to do Logan's room as well :) (Love my gallery wall right? That's in the living room.)

4. I am back to writing! Logan and Adam pretty much take up my time but when I need a little something extra its nice to have creative juices flowing and be able to turn to my books. And I mean MINE :)

5. I am back to being healthy. I seem to have this problem with working out great for a few months, then giving up for a month. So Adam made me a deal that if I could prove my dedication by being consistent for 9 months (or until my b-day) by working out no less than three times a week- he would buy me an exercise bike. (MAJOR SCORE and major perfect motivation for me.)

6. Adam for the first time has been reading MORE fiction than me. And that's ON TOP Of his work load. He finished Crime and Punishment during Christmas, Diary (by Chuck Palawhatsit when we got home) and is now simultaneously working on The Brothers Karamazov and all the old Marvel comics. What am I reading? Um... the hungry hungry Caterpillar?

7. Logan still proves to be the absolute joy in our lives. He had a doctors appt last week and weighted in at 19.5 lbs, 28 inches (all 25%) and his HEAD is in the 75% :) Our doctor is kind enough to say things like- hes going to follow in his daddy's footsteps!

8. Per the doctors suggestion , and the fact that Logan FINALLY got two bottom teeth this week, we have started more finger foods.He's been eating on crackers and cereal for awhile but now he gets whatever we have for dinner just in a tiny portion. He loves spaghetti, mac and cheese, Mexican (especially black beans and corn) cheese tortillas, and is a little iffy lasagna. I think that's the sausage. He also loves pears and bananas. And he is THRILLED to eat on his own. SO independent. He also likes to shove all the food in his mouth at once making his cheeks even bigger if you could believe that. He also loves to eat bath bubbles. I really mean eat.

9. Logan loves walking- right now he is leading Adam on loops around the house :) He is getting SO much closer to standing on his own- and still wont crawl. Now he just gets around by scooting over the floor on his butt :) He is a crafty lad. He is also strangely in love with ties... I cant crotchet anywhere near him. Even his own ties he loves...

10. for the first time we are not string January out broke! In fact, Adam and I just finished paying off the last of my school debt this week! (Thanks in part to my dad- had to give credit where its due.) But we have been great about our budget and I am SUPER proud of us.

Basically we keep ourselves busy- and we are EXTREMELY happy. Come on- look at this face- with that around all the time how could we NOT be super happy? (And these are just some late photos from our Christmas trip of Adam and I with my best friend Becky and her husband Trent and their son Henry. They made me cry when she sent them to me so I had to share them here.)

Cute Son Anatomy

2012-01-06T06:13:00.003-07:00

A Little Christmas

2012-01-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

Now that I have updated you on everything else in our life, but have left out our Christmas adventures I spose I will go BACK to Christmas just to fill in the blanks :) And hopefully I wont repeat too many pictures.

Monday Dec 19
we flew from West Virginia to Oregon. It really was an all day process. Logan actually did great- flirted with stewardesses, and slept unless it was bumpy. I of course slept not at all and was exhausted, but still managed to cry when I got to hug my mom :)

Tuesday Dec 20
Went out to Breakfast with my sisters to our favorite place Jazzy bagels, then shopped with them for stocking stuff. My brother came in the afternoon with his girls, my best friend Becky came over so her son could meet Logan, and I think we just played the rest of the day.

Wednesday Dec 21
I went with my mom to pick my Grandma up from the train station. Us girls spent the entire afternoon shopping at the mall while the boys played video games. We played Yatzee in the evening :)

Thursday Dec 22
We went to the outlet mall in the morning, took family pictures all afternoon, and went out to Red Robin for dinner.

Friday Dec 23
We spent the afternoon playing at Henry's house, and watched some Its A Wonderful Life in the afternoon. Becky, Trent, Adam and I all went on a double date to Sunny Hans, my favorite Chinese place, and then to TCBY.

Saturday Dec 24
We went to Becky's for some more pictures. We went out and looked at all the lights that evenin, then Adam and I fell asleep on the couch waiting for the kids to go to sleep so "Santa" could come :)

Sunday Dec 25
We opened presents all morning. Got ready for church, went to church, came home and has a HUGE feast. Then we played the game Adam and I had made for my family (the board version of Oregon trail) and had a LOAD of fun :)

Monday Dec 26
My brother went home with his kids. We went to Old Navy for a bit. We went out to Chinese for dinner. We played Rummy late into the night :)

Tuesday Dec 27
My parents took my Grandma to the train station. Becky brought by our pictures so we spent forever on Shutterfly :) Adam and I watched Green Lantern, then we went to Becky and trents for the most amazing dinner ever.

Wednesday Dec 28
We left SUPER early for the airport- and on our first flight sat by the old lady from hell. Logan did great on the second flight, and we were home by 7:30, sitting and eating Mexican take out.

Thursday Dec 29
I grocery shopped.

Friday Dec 30
I unpacked and rearranged the house :)

Saturday Dec 31
We did NOT stay up to midnight, but had fun during the day putting up Christmas decorations and just playing.

Sunday Jan 1
Had the joy- and I am not being sarcastic when I say joy- of going to church at 9- had great crock pot when we came home, and spent the rest of the day (because we still had all day) playing together and organizing for school.

yay! Hope all of your holidays were magnificent and fun as ours was!

9 Months

2012-01-03T08:55:00.000-07:00

On Christmas Eve I turned 9 months old! It was pretty exciting becasue that night we got to drive around and look at lights, I got to wear my Christmas Eve PJ's, and my Grandma Janice put me to bed!

Turning 9 months has been great- I still dont crawl but I am becoming an expert at standing and even walking a little. When at my Aunt Becky's house I walked the full length of her couch with my best friend Henry!

I am so glad I got to meet Henry- my mom and Aunt Becky really just joke around about us being best friends since we are only 19 days apart, but it is true! I light up whenever I see him.

Right now I really like to be the center of attention-I cry if I am not. I will turn around in my seat in the cart at the grocery store even when i am buckled in just so I can see more people and they can all smile at me.

I got to meet Santa! He was super interesting- I really liked his beard but mom wouldn't let me pull on it. He promised to bring me a cardboard box for Christmas but he did even more than that!

Christmas was great- I am a pro at ripping paper and opening my gifts. I got all sorts of neat stuff like blocks, and books, and foam animals for the tub...

My new favorite trick is dumping things out. I can sit with a box for hours and just tip it over and take everything out. Then I like to eat the box for a while.

Speaking of eating- I have discovered that I LOVE crackers! I really like to pound them into a huge mess then shove all the crumbs in my mouth. Or if it is a round cracker, I have fun seeing how much of it I can get into my mouth at one time. I also really, really like spaghetti. And anything mom and dad say I cant have.

I went on my first plan ride this month! I did much better than most of the other babies- I flirted with all of the stewardesses, played with mom and dads plastic drink cups, and even slept a lot! Though I did wake up to all the turbulance.

I really like going on vacation and meeting all my family. I didn't like sleeping in a different place- I woke up every 3 hours every night so mom and dad were exhausted but I LOVED my grandma Janice and my Aunt Carrie. Carrie thinks I am hilarious.

I love to play with toys- that's why I am so glad that Santa gave me so many! I will be busy all the time now- which is good because I get bored fast.

I also really love music, and to dance. Mom got Dad Ipod speakers for Christmas so now we have music on all the time and I LOVE it! I groove constantly.

Our 2012 New Years Card

2012-01-02T08:11:00.000-07:00

Sparkling 2012 New Year's

Create unique holiday invitations at Shutterfly.com.

View the entire collection of cards.

Just in case I forget to send you one- here is our super fun and cute Christmas/ New Years card for this year/ last year :)

New Years Goals

2012-01-01T08:08:00.000-07:00

Each New Years instead of making resolutions, I make goals- things I would like to get done during the year. I usually fill out one full side of a lined sheet of paper. No- I have never accomplished EVERYTHING, but I usually accomplish a lot and its fun to try for it all :)

Here are the goals for 2011 that I actually DID:
1. Write on blog twice a week- or have a total of 100 posts a year
2. Get pre-baby body back
3. continue journaling for Logan
4. Go to the temple
5. stick to a budget
6.pay tithing right away
7. send a book out to girl friends
8. make, keep, spend more time with girls/ friends
9. vacuum more often
10. start 1 family tradition with Logan
11. keep myself and the baby on schedule
12.have lots of quality Sarah and Adam time
13.take coupons more seriously
14. move out
15. tell Adam everything so he always feels in the loop
16. expand my patience
17. make more of an effort with myself

Believe it or not- there were only 6 goals I DIDN'T make. Pretty good.

This year I have 25 goals- I am not going to put all of them down because some are personal, but here are a few for your liking :)

2012 Goals:
1. Have Logan go into Nursery without crying
2. stick to my grocery budget
3. get a babysitter at least twice
4. do FHE with Logan
5. dont make or take on more craft projects than I can get done
6. do dishes more often
7. start writing for me, and for fun
8. see my mom
9. let Adam spend a butt load of money on something he really wants or loves
10. don't cut my hair (except for split end trims)
11. digitize more of my photos
12. keep more in touch with the grandparents

Happy 2012 to all of you! Hoping it proves to be an AMAZING an fruitful year!

Year in Review- 2011

2011-12-31T06:37:00.001-07:00

I remember seeing some friends so this last year and I LOVED it so I am copying them and doing it again :)

January:

Adam and Sarah worked. Awesome :) Sarah had her baby shower. (Actually awesome)

February:

Adam and Sarah worked. Sarah got BIG. Adam went on his last med school interview.

March:

Logan was born!! Adam got a job as a CNA! Our niece Jovi is born, and Logan's best friend Henry is born!

April:

Easter! Adam turns 25! Adams sister Amy came to visit! Logan rolls over!

May:

Adams best friends Ryan and Dan come to visit. Sarah gets to start loosing the baby weight. (Hallelujah!)

June:

Logan is blessed. Adam finds out he got in the West Virginia School of Medicine. Second best day of the entire year. (Logan being born is the first of course.) Sarah's sister graduates high school and heads to BYU! Adam and Sarah introduce Logan to fireflies.

July:

Logan meets Uncle Brandon. Adams sister Amy and Amber come to visit... at the end of the month Sarah and Adam move to West Virginia!!

August:

They explore their new town. Adam starts med school, and does AMAZING. They make great new friends in the ward. They get a new car! Logan discovers his toes.

September:

Sarah turned 25! Sarah goes to Pittsburgh with said new girl friends. Logan discovers he hates church.

October:

We all go to New York for an amazing weekend vacation. Then there is School, and Halloween! And a little excitement for the upcoming Hunger Games movie :) (Hence the costumes.) Sarah gets to go to the DC temple with some girl friends.

November:

Sarah and Adam celebrate 4 amazing years together. Logan has his first baby sitter! Logan also starts play group and makes GREAT friends. Sarah hits goal weight! Its Thanksgiving! We get excited starting to plan for the holidays.

December:

School ends- Adam does VERY well. Logan gets to meet Santa at the ward party. Sarah and Adam and Logan travel to Oregon for Christmas. Logan gets to meet the Ray side of his family, go on his first airplane ride, and gets to spend time with his best friend Henry Morgan! :)

January:

We will see.... :)

Christmas and Family Pictures 2011

2011-12-30T08:53:00.000-07:00

Now that our family is back in West Virigina with all of our awesome technology :) I guess it is time to start updating you on all the happenings of our vacation. The first of course being our yearly family photos.

My best friend in Oregon is the most amazing photographer ever. She is so smart, and talented, and just gets that down home family feel. So we paid her to get a load of pictures of my whole family, Adam and I and Logan, and then a few adorable ones of just Logan because Adam and I don't have any of just him yet. So enjoy this selection of our Christmas photo shoot :)

This is my whole family- including my mom's mom! It was SO much fun having her there- I hadn't seen here for almost 7 years!

This is one of my top favorites.

All the kids!

Logan with his best friend Henry :)

All the girls, from left to right, my Grandma Cooper, my mom, Carolyn (17), me, Rebekah (19)

the cousins, from left to right, Alayna and Abby then little Logan :)

The dudes- my older brother Charlie, my dad, my little studly brother Alex. He is a stud.

My brother Char with his girls- so darn cute.

My parents

The family that reads together stays together :)

this is also one of my favorites.

and another favorite.

Logan's face is just hilarious.

Logan and I have no darling pictures together so Becky made sure to get some. And I LOVE this.

Home

2011-12-29T08:31:00.003-07:00

Home is such an interesting concept to me. Adam and I spent the past ten days at "home" with my family in Oregon. It was interesting, strange, tiring, fun, wonderful, and some of the best ten days ever.

I love the pure taste of Oregon tap water.

I love how humidity in Oregon is cold, clean, and crisp.

I love that I get triple the hugs because there are triple the people.

I love how my sister Carrie and I think alike.

I love how passionate my little brother is.

I love how much my nieces love my son.

I love my mom- how purely kind, helpful, and thoughtful she is.

I love everything about my best friend Becky.

I love how my son lights up when he sees Beckys son Henry.

I love how there are more than 3 flavors of soft serve at TCBY.

And yet, coming home last night, despite the fact that we had such a wonderful time in Oregon, and the fact that we hate West Virginia itself, and the fact that are apartment was colder than 50 degrees because we turned off the heat to save money while we were out...

I love knowing that this is MY space. Our space.

I love our bed.

I love how Logan loves his bed- how he wouldnt sleep more than 4 hours in a row in OR but here, in his crib- he knocks out for 12.

I love the smell of bleach and the febreeze I use- and the slight smell of old apartment :)

I love our TV's, computer, WIFI, shows- all our media and entertainment.

I love our car.

I love how much Logan adores his own exersaucer.

I love our food- our dishes- our things.

I love the water pressure in our shower.

I love seeing all our pictures on the walls.

Its just so funny to me, that I can cry for half a plane ride because I already miss my mom and my best friend, and yet I can feel so GOOD and so relieved walking into our old, wooden paneled, little apartment.

Oregon is my home, where my family is, where I grew up, where my memories are, where my dreams started.

And yet, where Adam and Logan are, now in West Virgina, is my home as well; Where my happiest moments have happened, where I create things, where I see my future.

Genealogy Fan Chart

2011-12-16T06:03:00.000-07:00

Genealogy Fan Chart

This is just a cool thing for any of you who do genealogy- you can see where I am obviously busy haha! But this would be an AMAZING gift, or something for your own home. Check it out!

Naptime

2011-12-13T06:56:00.000-07:00

Adam painted this picture and I find it adorable and incredibly true so I am posting it here.

Christmas Old School

2011-12-11T07:06:00.000-07:00

I was doing a project for my sister and found a load of photos of really old Christmas memories that I thought were fun enough that I would share. Some are majorly embarrassing though so no laughing :)

Christmas when I was 4 or 5... love my purse right?

Christmas when I was 8 (I'm the larger one in the huge green coat)

Christmas when I was 9 or 10 (I have the brown pony)

Christmas when I was 12 (I'm not even going to tell you which one I am though I am sure you can guess...)

Christmas when I am 16...

Christmas when ADAM was 17... and had the most rocking awesome hair ever...

Christmas at age 18... 2004... aw.... they finally meet :)

Christmas at age 19... sophomore year of college

Christmas at 20... junior year of college... my first time decoarting a real tree on my own... well, not really on my own... I had Jay...

Christmas at 22...2008... Adam and mines first Christmas all alone

Christmas at 23... 2009... aw... my sisters...

Christmas at age 24... or 2010... or last Christmas... I HATED being pregnant, but its a nice memory anyways seeing my belly all huge.

December

2011-12-08T06:56:00.001-07:00

I apologize for not posting much lately. Really, since Thanksgiving our life has been pretty monochromatic. Aka, Studying for finals.

While Adam has been studying his little mind off, Logan and I have been keeping busy with crafting, decorating, shopping, phone chatting, playing, play grouping etc. Not really anything major of note, but enough to enjoy ourselves. (Or Logan would be enjoying himself more if he wasn't teething.)

And dont worry- Adam and I have taken a few breaks together- some good movie time, we went to dinner at his professors, and have discovered a Chinese restauramt that we love.

Trust me, when this week is over we will be more exciting people. Or maybe less considering Adams not going to want to do much but rest his weary brain... :)

It did snow here though. We weren't too excited about that, but it does look pretty. (Because people lie and the East Coast is NOT prettier in the fall- so it was nice to see some downy white to make the world sparkle.)

Snow from our back window...

Logan NOT crawling... not even trying...

but still darling :)

i thought this was too cute :)

Adam multi-tasking...studying and spending time with his son

Just a reminder...

2011-12-03T17:33:00.000-07:00

This is going on at my other blog... sarahscreativebrain.blogspot.comWell, its only been a half a year since my last post :) I got so caught up with new baby, and moving, and unpacking, and starting school and everything that goes with moving and getting settled that I thought I was going to close this blog forever, and just post anything crafty I did if I ever got the time on my new blog. However, with the oncoming holiday season I have been in craft heaven, and there are just too many ideas to share and too much that I have been doing to leave it all to my personal blog. So, for the month of December at least, I am re-opening the blog!Being a poor medical students wife, living off of loans, and moving every two years, not to mention a hgouse with little children, the idea of crafting or decorating for any holiday is hard. It has to be cute. It has to be cheap. It has to be something easy and light to pack, OR something that I am not so attached too that I dont mind throwing it away. (or if it gets ruined my little hands and mouths.)Tall order. So, since the beginning of November I have been looking, and crafting, and researching, and now that Thanksgiving is over I have finally let myself full on decorate and gift plan :) And I thought that maybe I and my husband are not the only poor college married couple with small children that exist in this world, and that maybe some other people would like to see my ideas or at least my inspiration.Starting tomorrow I am going to try to do a different post every day about how we have gotten ready for the holidays :) Decorating ideas, crafts, baking, presents, you name it- I just might have it here. So come back and look! It's going to be a fun month.

My Brother is a Total Stud

2011-12-02T06:31:00.000-07:00

I think that my little brother is a total stud. Really. I often times find myself sitting and WISHING That I was him and then I remember- I AM him. Or he is me. Or out of ANY of my siblings, Alex and me are the most a like. People tell me that they love to hear him speak in church because they feel like"sarahray" is home :) Only thing is- my brother is a little more gregarious than me. Hard to believe I know. We have always had a bit of a special bond, and I LOVE HIM MORE THAN LIFE.

Anyways, his school just recently did a rendition of The Merry Wives of Windosor. And I was SO bummed that I couldn't be there to see it! However, I was SUPER happy to find that his friends added LOADS of pictures to Facebook so I at least get to see the best stuff. And because it looked like it was a rocking awesome play, and it looks like my brother rocked the stage- I had to add a load of the photos here.

The best part? His love interest? She has been Alex's best friend since they were two, and she is the little sister of MY best friend Becky.

Now don't worry- his costumer is suppose to look that gay. He is VERY straight :) For those of you concerned anyways I added a pictures of how crazy all the costumes were that way you wouldn't have to worry :)

See? I told you. My little brother is a total stud.

8 Months

2011-12-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

I like being 8 months. I am so much more grown up than I was last month.

I am 18 pounds. It is not very big- I think I take after my dad. Especially since I have no hips or bum so my pants never stay on. My gigantic cheeks, which I get from my mommy, make me look super a lot bigger than I am.

I love sitting in the bathtub. The water always gets too cold before I get tired of being there. I like to chew on my rubber duckies. I have also learned what the plug in the tub is for and I always try to push it down myself when mommy puts my toys away to signal that bath time it doneso.

I have made friends! I think other babies are so interesting- I love having new toys that move! I don't even get mad when they crawl on me or steal my toys- because then I can steal toys from them and chew on their hair which I LOVE!

Chewing on daddy's hair is my favorite. It is so easy to grab and it doesn't hurt him as much as mommy I think. (Mommy is no fun- she never lets me eat her hair.)

When I was at my friend Luke's he showed me how much fun eating phones is! I love playing with phones now- all day long!

I really like everything though. I get SUPER mad when I can see Mommy and Daddy with something and they wont let me have it. Like stories at night. Or spoons when were eating. Or the hymn book at church. Or their food. Or the camera. It makes me so mad I SCREAM!

I do NOT like being put on my tummy. I have given up on crawling. Its for the babies. I really like to walk- Mommy and Daddy will hold onto my hands and let me step everywhere. Its super fun! I have also gotten strong enough to pull myself up when i hold onto the couch or the table or Mommy's arm. But then I get distracted by all the cool stuff around me and I fall down.

I really super love to eat. I love to eat the little cereals my mom gives me- I like those the best because I can eat them myself! I also like it when mom gives me food with little noodles in it- its so fun to chew!
I don't have any teeth yet but I can sure feel them coming- I'm excited to be able to chew lots of things besides my toys!

Speaking of toys- I really love them! My favorite thing to do is to sit on the floor in the living room with ALL of my toys all around me. I like to chew one at a time, and sometimes two! I don't have many toys so I am asking Santa for a lot. I especially love my big cloth ball.

I get SO excited to play with my toys that I get up at 5 in the morning! I don't know why this upsets mommy so much...

I really like to give kisses. I grab onto Mommy and Daddy's faces, or I grab the faces of my friends and open my mouth REAL wide to give them HUGE loves :) I am practicing for when I get older.

I am a very happy kid mom says. I really like to laugh and I think everything in the whole world is funny. Mommy and Daddy also say that I am a lot like mom because I like to talk and I am super loud when I do. If someone else is talking or singing I want to talk and sing too!

Don't you wish you were 8 months too?

Days of Christmas

2011-11-30T16:23:00.000-07:00

I think I am going to reopen my creative blog. Okay, not I think. I am :) I closed it originally because I was just going to include crafting stuff here, and then this summer what with moving, and starting school and all that junk I just didn't craft very much. But since the end of October, gearing up for some holiday fun, I have been a crafting MACHINE. I needed to find cheap, cute, yet disposable ways to decorate, and meaningful homemade gifts to make. So, starting December 1st, I am going to have a post every day on my crafty blog to show off all the stuff I am doing. And I am doing it over there simply because I do not have the space to do it all here, and still put up pictures of all the other stuff going on in our life. So head over to my craft blog tomorrow and enjoy your holiday!http://sarahscreativebrain.blogspot.com/

Play Date!!

2011-11-29T15:49:00.000-07:00

Adam and I are lucky enough to have some GREAT friends in our ward to switch off babysitting with. Not only are we lucky that they WANT to do this, but we are lucky that these particular friends also happen to have sons right around Logan's same age. I am always telling Adam about how adorable the boys are when they play together and he com-plains that he never gets to see it. So this past time when I went to the Turners I took a LOAD of pictures of their son Luke and Logan playing together. And I couldn't just pick a few because they are all too darn adorable so enjoy :)

Thanksgiving

2011-11-28T16:00:00.001-07:00

Adam and I have only once since we have been married, ever been with family on Thanksgiving. Its actually become somewhat of a fun tradition for us to do dinner with just our tiny family. (More fun this year now that the duo is a trio :) So I thankfully turned down all the invitations we got to share feasts at other tables and enjoyed making our own :)

I started with pumpkin pancakes, the Thanksgiving Day Parade (Neil Diamond sang this year- I was in HEAVEN!) Logan enjoyed his pumpkin, and Adam some toaster strudels. (Because he is neither a pancake man nor a pumpkin man)

Then we watched the puppy show, Logan napped, Adam and I lounged and munched on my best corn salsa (so yum) and some homemade guacamole. I wrote my list of the 100 things I am grateful for (I do this EVERY thanksgiving.)

Then around 4 we ate dinner and watched the new Marvel movie First Class. It was a good movie I thought- Adam says it us RIFE with inaccuracies :) But he enjoyed it nonetheless.

Then after Logan went to bed we had pie, I did some family history (and found out that COOLEST thing- that one of my moms ancestors was an original settler of Jamestown. What a thing to discover on Thanksgiving right?)

We had a great day- relaxing, eating, watching movies, talking to family, napping, playing with the baby- one of our best holidays ever I do believe.

We couldn't be MORE grateful for each other, for Logan, for how amazingly good and sweet and FUN Logan is! Or for all of our blessings to be in Medical School, to NOT Be in our eyeballs with debt, to be in such a great ward-Yay for life :)

The Miracle of Life.

2011-11-27T07:25:00.001-07:00

Mt friend shared this link with me and I think it is the most beautiful thing ever- it shows the development of a fetus with high technology or new technology imaging- its incredible what you can see.Also, for those pro life fanatics, this guy is amazing!! He has so many wonderful statements about the divinity of life, so I am going to like the website where I found the video so you can look at it. Super uplifting.http://www.theblaze.com/stories/astounding-viral-video-depicts-an-unborn-babys-full-development/

A Little Early

2011-11-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

I know it may not be QUITE the season for this yet but you have to go and watch this. I teared up. Its darling it brings such a beautiful, sweet, cute spirit.

How Do I Love Thee

2011-11-17T08:08:00.000-07:00

Why I just discovered Mormon Messages this week I have no idea. (Okay yes I do. I didn't want to get out my scriptures so I was looking for a suitable spiritual experience to take place of my morning scripture study and fell upon the Mormon messages site.) Anyways- this one is particularly beautiful and completely explains what I not so eloquently was trying to explain about Adam and I the other day. I particularly love the line- "Look for the good, and doubt the bad."

Beauty and Gratitude and Love

2011-11-16T07:14:00.000-07:00

My sister wrote a beautiful blog today about how amazing our mother is (see, I'm not the only one who thinks she is perfect) and how she wants to be just like her when she is a mom. And she added a great picture of my parents from when they were first married.It kind of tied perfectly into everything I have been pondering lately.

A combination of an awful week, the Thanksgiving season, and Adam and mines fourth anniversary has just made me overwhelming grateful for a PERFECT marriage.

YES. I said perfect. Perfect even in its imperfections. And I know those imperfections are there- because life cannot be perfect. But a relationship can. And a marriage is built off of a relationship. And Adams and mines relationship? Perfect.

This week I was showering at 3am in the morning, sick, and after cleaning up an overflowing toilet for the second time that day. (And I mean the GROSS overflow- not just toilet water kind.) And for some reason- I had to laugh. Laugh at the ludicrousness of the situation, laugh at how grown-up and adult I had just been (deep cleaning my bathroom while I was sick- taking care of a house etc.) and laughing at how instead of being pissed out of my mind- I was simply grateful for Adam who understands me SO perfectly (better than my saintly mom even) and grateful that when i was done air drying in our cold bathroom (all the towels having been used to clean up the toilet mess) that I would crawl into bed and he would actually cuddle TOWARDS my cold damp body to give me his warmth.That my friends, that is love.

Maybe you think I am idealizing my marriage. But... wouldn't that be a good thing? Isn't the best kind of realtionship when you are so focused on everything that is graet, that you hardly notice the things that go wrong?

Things do go wrong sometimes. Adam and I get "huffy" at one another. I think in four years however, I can only think of one fight. And I say that because I am sure that one fight has happened- but I cant actually dredge up the memory of it. We get upset at one another regularly just like any couple. But over four years Adam and I have worked out this amazing way of solving and getting over our issues almost immediatly.

I attribute all this to a few things Adam and I have in common.

Adam and I both HATE being mad- or grumpy- or angry with those we most like. We both dislike negative feelings towards other people in general. So how could we live, EVER, with negative feelings towards one another?

Adam and I's understanding of one another is a little boarding on creepy. Its hard to get mad at someone, when you know why they are feeling what they are feeling, and why they are reacting like they are reacting. Its like getting mad at a baby because hes crying because he is hungry. That's just dumb.

I am not saying all of this to brag that Adam and I are wonderful (though I think we are) or to make people feel bad about their own realtionships. I am saying this becasue I am so overwhelming grateful that my life, my marriage, my future, has turned out to be amazing as it is. And only because I am being true to who I am, and Adam is being true to who he is. We fit together like puzzle pieces. We work together like the best peice of tupperware ever invented. And I am so grateful that I had to share it.

And, becasue my sister blog made me think of her, and my other sister, both independent and on their own for the first time. Both is this amazing, fun, and super scary time of life. And I thought of what I would say to them and you know what it would be?

Don't give up on the fairytale dream. It is out there. You can be happier than any Disney character or person in a book. Because a man with the Priesthood is better than one with a title. Because a temple is infinitely more pretty than a castle. because no one, NO ONE, looks bad in a white wedding dress. And no woman looks bad holding a child.

With the right man, and the gospel, you don't have to be "down to earth". You can be as idealistic as you want. Because your life of imagined fantasy will become REAL. The every day.

I love life, I love marriage, I love love, I love my husband. And I love that at three am, my feet in poopy water and my head swimming with germs, that I can STILL think my life is perfect and I wouldnt wish to be anywhere else that wasn't with Adam.

Our Life lately

2011-11-15T05:58:00.000-07:00

Middle of October: I decorated for Halloween!
October (a few days before Halloween:): Ward Trunk or Treat! Logan and I were Katniss and a Mocking Jay from Hunger Games. Adam was "Supportive husband along for the ride even though he hates Halloween" :) Best Costume I think. Even though Logan won "cutest"
October 31st: Annual Pumpkin Pizza (though it was hand made this year because stupid lame Morgantown doesn't have a Pap Murphy's. Logan and I wore our Halloween shirts, and Adam and I spent the evening watching a non-scary movie and eating candy
November 5th: Four year anniversary! Our acutal anniversary is the 6th, but that is a Sunday so we celebrated it the day before. The Turners, our friends from church, came over with their little boy to watch Logan, so LOgan had a blast. Adam and I went to Red Lobseter and had Lobster for the first time (meh-) and then to the movies to see the new 3 Musketeers film. It was GREAT. (Though Orlando Bloom is only ok. Maybe thats cuz I loathe him.)
November 9 2:30pm: Here starts the week from hell. Flu shots wheich for the first time made BOTH Adam and I sick. I started my period that afternoon- WHICH to all you moms, SHAME ON YOU for not warning me that your first mentrusal cycle after having a baby is JUST AS BAD AS LABOR. I have never had cramps like that in my life.
at 1:30 I awoke to an overflowing toilet, so i was sick, cramping, and up until three showering, deep cleaning my bathroom, and doing laundry. We were sick for a good full 24 hours, and it took about 48 and three more overflows (and three more loads of laundry) until the toilet got replaced. AWFUL.
But- somehow we made it to

Sunday, November 13th: clean, healthy, and all ready for the Primary Program! I am a teacher for the 4-5 year olds so I was in it. It went pretty good- this one boy in my class was especially darling. (I shouldn't have favorites but he is mine.)
Now we are just starting the end of semester onslaught- Adam has an exam a week from today, than a week from Friday, then the Monday after Thanksgiving break, then two Fridays after that- then there is finals AND board exams. So we will enjoy one thanksgiving day full of eating, and then until the semester is over Adam will be doing nothing but studying, and I will enjoy decorating for Christmas :)

Really- life hasn't been bad. Despiote the week of hell. In fact, that one night when I was showring at 3am I was laughing at the irnony becasue I have been NEEDING to really scrub at my bathroom. And the whole thing just made me realize how LUCKY I am to have Adam.

Adam and I have the BEST relationship, and Logan just gets more fun every day. Even know when he is crying at me cuz he wants a nap- when I turn to look at him he starts laughing at me. We love our happy blessed life.

You Know You Have a Baby When...

2011-11-14T05:35:00.001-07:00

1. You are fully dressed and at the grocery store by 7am
2. when any trip out takes twice as long, including a simple jog, because people keep stopping you to look at what you are toting along
3. you can be woken up at 3am without feelings of hate and revenge
4. your search for dirty laundry takes you to your car
5. you don't even notice when there is half eaten cereal attached to your sweater
6. you are just as concerned that your baby sitter know the words to "Baby Moon" as you are that they know the Heimlich Maneuver
7. your husband remarks that your new body wash smells good... and you realize you used the babies soap in the shower that morning
8. you hate it when your friends get together before 8. Because the baby hasn't gone to bed yet
9. when you start thinking that making animal noises will make people laugh
10. when two banana covered hands grabbing your face, and two more banana covered lips opening wide and swallowing your cheek makes you feel better than anything else in the entire world ever has

Our Apartment

2011-11-04T13:00:00.000-06:00

Its only taken me about a million and a half years but I FINALLY have pictures of our apartment for you! (Do notice that there are none of our room :) Pictures are STILL not up in there. My goal is to get to them before Thanksgiving.) Sorry there are so many pictures- I was trying to give you a real feel for the layout :)