I hate being pregnant. I really do. I also feel REALLY ungrateful for admitting that because I have so many close friends that have suffered through infertility and would give anything for the nine months that I so loathe. I want you to understand that I 100% appreciate pregnancy and what it gives to me.
This time round, after having suffered a miscarriage and nine months of wanting to be pregnant and not being able to get myself into that state, every-time I found myself complaining I would send a little prayer thanking the Lord for the opportunity I had to grow my daughter. I made a HUGE effort to never complain on blog or on facebook or out loud at all because I felt like complaining would make me seem so ungrateful for a gift which I truly do appreciate more than anything.
That all said? I still HATE being pregnant.
The funny thing is, I think loathing the nine months of growing my children, have actually led me to an extreme love of the newborn and early post pardum stages. I LOVE newborns. I feel like the trials that come with a new tiny life are WAY easier, and much more enjoyable than anything I face during gestation. These past two and a half weeks have been the best two and a half weeks since the very first week I found out I was pregnant with Monica. Better even because those early weeks of pregnancy were fraught with fear over loosing the tiny life I so desperately wanted to carry. The chances of loosing Monica now that she is here are so much less than before and I am free to simply love and enjoy her and my new life and family.
(The photos you are seeing I have tried to place in order of when they happened- the first few days after we came home, firsts like first outing to the doctors, to the pool, first bath etc. And then us just loving on Monica. Which is done A LOT :)
Not everything has been easy of course- I was surprised to find that my hospital stay was harder this time around. In part because of awful night nurses, but also because I had never experienced after birth pain with Logan. Yay- that sucks like swear words I shouldn't type out :)
But, once I was at home at managing my own pain it was much better. I also lucked out enough that the longest amount of time I have gone without full time help since Monica and I came home has been an hour. I cannot express how eternally grateful I am for Adams parents for watching over Adam and Logan while I was in the hospital. For my friend Nikki who came and stayed with me those first few days I was home and so nervous about moving that I slept on the couch.
Also to my mother who flew into DC a few days after Monica was born and has been with me ever since. I don't know who will miss her more when she leaves next week- Logan or me :) She has made it so I can really cook, cuddly each of kids when I want too. So I can workout, take long showers, nap... so Adam and I can date. Logan has had a constant play companion and after five children and being in primary her whole life- my mother is an EXPERT on play :) She has done all my cleaning and all my laundry and even given me a card playing partner when my kids go to bed.
It has been AWESOME and I realize fully how richly blessed I have been. My night time prayers have become nothing but utterances over how thankful I am for the help I have received, for how great Logan is with Monica, how awesome Adam is about the ups and downs of a bigger family, how easily I have healed, and how great Monica is herself.
Because she is an AWESOME baby. If I thought Logan never cried Monica cries even less- only when shes ready to eat. Though when she is that is a loud, vociferous and never ending shout until food is in her mouth :) But she is a great breastfeeder- we have had no issues with latch or milk production. (That is also thanks in part to my sister awesome breast pump- I pump once a day so Logan can have the fun of feeding Monica and so I can measure how much I am producing... I think just the act of pumping has really helped me produce more.)
Also, like Logan, Monica is a great sleeper. I love the book BabyWise for sleep training and try to follow it as best as I can. And after our first two rougher nights at home, Monica eats every three to four hours during the day, and every four to five at night. Which means I feed her before I go to bed, get up once at night, and then she acts as my morning alarm. It is great. I still find I need a nap in the afternoon but the sleep I get at night is long enough for me to at least get to a REM stage and now that I am not pregnant it is ten times better.
Yeah- the best part of these past two weeks (besides watching Logan love his sister so much that he gives her his before unsharable toys, and holding a teeny warm body against my chest) is NOT being pregnant. No more annoying and painful daily shots. No more nausea, food aversions, or lactose intolerance. No more "bowel issues", heart burn or acid reflux. No more being so heavy and huge that I cant touch my calves, toes, OR sleep comfortably. No more nerve pain, braxton hicks, or round ligament pain.
I eat what I want! I shave! I paint my toes! I work out! I sleep on my back and on my stomach! The only pain I am in is the one I inflict on myself from some awesome exercise. Add to that having my own live doll (I swear I spend more time in Monica's closet choosing out outfits and hair-bows for her than I do in my own) and having a new baby girl is one of the best things ever.
Its been a pretty joyous time. I am healing as fast as I did with Logan (yeah to being about to workout after two weeks!) and everyone adores having our new baby in the house. Adam hasn't said a word about us waking him up at night. In fact when we do he usually responds by rolling closer to me and either placing a hand on Monica's head while she eats, or on my arm as I feed her. Most endearing thing ever. Adam is pretty Logan focused when he gets home from his rotations- something I am worlds grateful for because Logan needs it and right now Monica doesn't know the difference. But once Monica is fed and Logan is in bed Adam scoops up his daughter and they cuddle together for hours while Adam does his work and relaxes. (Which leaves my mom and I time alone for cards haha!)
See why I felt it appropriate to change our blog name to The Beautiful Life? That's what it is.