Sunday, January 20, 2013


Adam and I have been watching White Collar- and yes for those of you wondering- loving it. We finished season 2 tonight and got launched into a fun conversation about these amazingly wealthy people and what they spend their money on- what in the world makes these works of art worth what they are.

That is the funny and complicated thing about any form of art- I will admit that there is a lot of art that I hate, that I just do not get. But if someone told me, sincerely, that the piece touched them (I mean for reals- not in a I want to be cool hipster way) then I think I would understand.

Value is such a crazy thing to put on any art. I mean, my little brother would spend HUNDREDS to meet certain musical stars that I couldn't even care to listen too. However, if Adam and I ever get rich enough there is no amount of money I would spare to hug Barbara Streisand. Because I love her. Because her music, her voice, touches me and moves me.

And that is what I love about all art- all writing, all art art, music, architecture- because there is no right or wrong. I know that is what a lot of people hate about it. I know a lot of religious people hate this idea too because in an awful way it can condone pornography. (There is a difference and you can tell when you get there.)   

I was telling Adam that there is one piece of art that I could see myself spending almost a million on. I showed it to him, warning him he would not get it, and Adam to his credit shrugged his shoulders. He saw the artistic value, and the historical- but he didn't get why I would place such a value on such a picture.

That is the point of any piece of art. To touch you in a way that you cannot be touched physically. It is suppose to evoke your emotion. The artist can try to have as much control of what you feel as they can but in the end- they have no part between your reaction to their work and yourself. Art in any form is for the viewer as much as it is the creator.

This is my painting. There is something about it that has touched me since I was 16 and has continued to do so. I would spend a million for this original. To be able to look at the artistic brush strokes and imagine what he was thinking, what he was feeling as he painted this incredibly romantic pair.

I feel that way about a lot of things people do not get. Barbara, the Brontes, Gone with the Wind, Tiffani Amber Thessian, Burberry. Adam feels this way about Linkin Park, Dostoevsky, his brothers art...

It touches you in a way nothing else can. That's why the Lord created artistic abilities. So we could be touched.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Theory of History

I have a good friend who writes a great blog. The funny thing about this friend is that she and I have only met in real life like... twice? Maybe three times. But she is married to a man who used to be one of my greatest friends. I say used  because, don't tell the man, but I love his wife now WAY more than I ever loved him. :) Despite his fantastic hair. (Heather knows it- her hubs has great hair. Though Adams is better. :)

Anyways. She wrote a short blog today about how 2012 was a crisis year for her but it was good because she really learned who she was. At first I thought it was sad that she never learned that earlier- I thought that I had learned it in 8th grade. But then I felt guilty for such a thought because I remembered one of the greatest lessons in life that I have ever learned.

When I went to England I had a professor named Bennion who taught us, (this is the extremely shortened version,) that we should always question ourselves, our world, even our religion to make sure that we really think and believe what we think and believe.

Some people think this is nuts. They think- well if you are always questioning how do you ever know anything? The short answer is that well... we never really know anything. (Could I get more existential?)

The comforting answer is that what is great about this is that there are some things that no matter how many time you question and test and try you ALWAYS come back to the same conclusions  For instance- no matter how many times I think and consider the Gospel- I always get the same answer. Its true. I fully believe that because I have thought to re-look my testimony so many times, and have always come out with the same answer, it is why I feel so strongly about the church I am a part of.

The other great thing is that it means we as people are always adaptable. For instance, in 2007 I wrote a very long personal essay about the fact that I am not thin. (It wasn't very good.)

Swing to 2009. Guess what? I AM thin. I may not be super model thin- In fact if I ever get under 142 lbs I stop my period so I will never be SUPER thin- but that does not mean that I'm not in fact, a thin person. I am. I am thin- I am fit- I can run a 5k in 30 minutes.

There are things I know about myself because they have been a part of me since I can remember- because every time I test them I come back to the same answer. I am loud. I am a Mormon. I am a romantic. I write.

There are things that I thought I knew about myself that I have found are not true. I love kids (only my own.) I hate rock (I have a secret passion for the right kind.) I NEED people (Adam, and my son. Fin.)

And there are new things that I have discovered about myself within just the past few years. I have road rage. I have a love for murder books (not weird, child raping kind. Like assassinating the bad guy kind.) I hate doing dishes. And I am a GOOD writer. (A damn good one if you will allow me to think that about myself.)

I guess I was thinking how grateful I am to Heather for reminding me that there is no end to self discovery or recovery. That each life challenge we face, that each year we turn we are SUPPOSE to change and grow and meld and become something. Parts of us will always be the same because we have been that way for eternity. But the rest of us is meant to adapt to the challenges and windfalls that come our way.

The start of 2012 was hard for me too- it was the first time in my life that I dealt with real factual depression. But looking back I learned how far I can handle things myself, and when to call in the cavalry  I learned my limits. As strange as it sounds- I learned when to give up and just turn my life over to someone greater than me. I also learned what it meant to be truly grateful and how THAT is what leads to true happiness- the kind that powers you through true darkness. I learned that when you ask for the right kind of blessing- you get it.

When I look back at 2012 I don't think about how hard it was- and I am not saying that to brag. I mean truly- more than thinking about what my spirit and body went through- I think about how much joy my mother, my siblings, my husband, my son brought me. I think about the real friends I can lean on. I think about the talents that the Lord gave me specifically to soothe my own soul. As Elder Eyring would say, "to give me a task."

I look forward to 2013 to bring me greater joys but I start most years that way. Really what I look forward to is another year in the Heavenly Blessed life that I lead- with my calm, comforting, understanding, husband. With my loving, easy going, happy son. With my supportive family. With my comforting, loving, steadfast friends.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Just Checking In

I know, your thinking since its been a while that "Oh! Something super exciting must have happened in the Moecks life."

Negatory. Nothing more than the absolute everyday everyday. To tell you how mundane my life really is today I vacuumed up a raisin party Logan had on the floor, did dishes, emptied the trash, had PB and J for lunch, and have yet to put away the laundry that is covering my bed. And this has been a GOOD day for me. (Very exciting no?)

Not that I am complaining. Really I'm not. The everyday of the everyday is pretty darn awesome in my life. I wake up around 7:30 to my son's new habit of yelling, "Mom! I see you!" Yes, he says that even if he CANT see you. But, if he actually CAN see you, he then follows it with a hilarious "Boo!" and then bursts into giggles. Awesome way to wake up I can assure you.

Adam is well into school. He already had a presentation today and has an exam next week. Someone told us that all we have to do it get through the next six months- that from now until June when his boards are over should be the worst of our lives. Joy. BUT- there is real joy in getting to look forward to it being over. If  being a mom has taught me anything its that time goes by fast.

Adam has been a trouper though- he eats lunch with me every day, and watches at least one episode of White Collar with me every night. (We just started it and we LOVE it.) He even let me help him with his presentation- I got to organize all of his disorganized but brilliant thoughts. Made me feel awesome cuz there is nothing much a BA in English can do to help an MD hopeful.

Logan had taken into getting into my food storage. He likes to grab plastic containers of sugar or mac and cheese boxes and use them as maracas. He also likes to dance to 90's music and rock, finds country music hilarious, and likes the Mail Time song in Blues Clues the best. (Adam and I have a secret love for Blues Clues.)

One thing that impresses me about Logan is his speech- not really so much that he can say a lot, but what he does say is getting more clear. For instance half of what he says you would understand too :) (The other half is really only comprehensible by Adam and I.) One thing I find hilarious about Logan's speech is that he has a hard time with R's. So often times he comes off sounding like a New York gangster. For instance Stickers are "Stickas" and his Spiderman Shoes are "Spida shoes." Yet he can say raisins... (He calls them "rasies." Adorable.)

For me? I try to get one chore done a day- be it dishes, or laundry, or cleaning out Logan's toy bin. (Some how he seems to collect junk in there WEEKLY.) I am trying to cook more, and read more for that matter. I have a goal this year to read all the books that were on Wishbone. There are 46 of them. I actually haven't started on that list yet... I am still finishing with my Tamora Pierce obsession. One and a half books to go.

Currently writing (always am), but not crafting. Mostly because even though I want to, I know that we are moving in May (we have an actual date now- Monday May 6) and I just cant bring myself to start a project when I feel like I should be packing. Yes, I am a crazy person and have started packing. I do that.

See what I mean? A good life. Even Adam who feels the stress of all stress usually says when he crawls into bed at night, "Man, I am SO glad I am in med school." Then we spend a half hour talking about how great our son is. Because he IS awesome. Being a mom, even on the bad days mind you, is the BEST thing to ever happen to me. The hours I gave up at work and in higher education to stay at home and vacuum cheerios meticulously placed into the cracks of the couch and in the toes of my shoes, are the best hours I have ever given up. So great they don't even feel like a sacrifice.