I have actually thought about and considered writing this post for a few days now and always backed out because I worried that it would sound a little like... well, bragging. When really, I want you to understand that it is more like that chapter in Alma, when one of the Sons of Helaman gets upset at Amuleck for bragging about how great he is when he says, "No, I am exulting in my God."
Guess what? My life is amazing at the moment and I want to talk about it because it makes me feel even better to do that. But I titled this post blessed for a reason. Because that is why my life is good. That is what I AM right now. Blessed.
I talked with my sister on the phone the other night for a few hours. She is adjusting to her midterms at her first semester at BYU so my naturally anxiety prone sister is a STRESS CASE at the moment. While we were talking Logan was SCREAMING at me because he could not hold the phone so I put Carrie on speaker so Logan could feel like he was a part of the conversation. Carolyn started to laugh as she listened to him running around his room babbling and she said, "I can't wait until my life is like yours."
That made me think. Often times I still feel like I am stuck in the middle of my life. I am not at home with my parents anymore but we are still college students. We still are living in a tiny apartment on the tiniest budget that we can. I feel like life hasn't really begun. And I am SO grateful my sister knocked me out of that way of thinking.
When I was in high school I actually wrote a short story called My Married Life Fantasy. I'll have to post it on here sometime because that is exactly all it was. My sixteen year old idea of what my life would be like when I was like... 30. Here, in a nutshell, is what happens:
I am writing a book at my desk.
I get interrupted by my kids coming home from school. We go to the kitchen to talk about their day, and laud over the perfect spelling tests, and lament over the boys that wont pay enough attention to them, and eat cookies.
My husband comes home. (Remember, I wrote this is before I married Adam.) He is wearing a bloody doctors coat and starts to complain about his last surgery. I give him a look and when he sees the kids he stops his story. He kisses me and then so I can finish making our crock pot dinner, he takes my over eager 5 year old son outside to play basketball so I can talk to our preteen daughter.
Hilarious right? (It really is a fun thing to read over.)
What is more fun is to look at what my average day is now:
I am writing a book at my desk.
Logan wakes up from a nap and I take him into the kitchen for a snack and he babbles at me in the form of a conversation. (Usually him saying mama, me saying what, then him pointing around at things and saying what they are.)
Adam starts to get frustrated from all our noise while he is studying so Logan and I go play in his room and I sort of try to clean.
Around five I go to make dinner. Logan is grabbing onto my legs and being impossible because he is hungry and I am not looking directly at him. Adam comes to the rescue by taking him into the living room and bouncing him on my exercise ball so I can have five minutes to cook.
You guys- I AM living my dream. I spend my day taking care of the best husband God put on earth, teaching the CUTEST boy two people ever made, and writing books that sometimes I feel are so good I believe that there is no way I wrote them. (Not the whole book, just parts.)
I am so blessed. I am so blessed that I am married to who I am married too, and that I have the son that I do. Both who are so loving and so happy and so conscious of me and my needs.
I am so blessed that since my miscarriage I have had a constant flow of ideas and desire to write. Usually my writing goes through phases- a few months off, a few months on. But since January I have been a book machine and it FULFILLS me. Me as a person me. Not me the wife or me the mother. Me Sarah. I really believe this is because the Lord knew how hard this year was going to be on me and he said, "Here is a gift that makes it bearable."
Not just bearable. Great. In a totally different way than I had imagined it being.
It saddens me to realize how hard it has been for me to get past the things I thought I wanted and needed to see all that I really have. I am not saying that those desires were not righteous. In fact I still want them. I still look forward to the day when we have a yard and a dishwasher and I don't have to think about how many cans of pumpkin I can afford right now. I look forward to the day when I have more than one child to tell me about their lives.
But... I am so blessed that Anxiety Girl found my rose colored glasses and reminded me to carpe diem.
Life is not really worth living any other way is it?
So today, just for reading this post, I bequeath to you my pink shades :) Enjoy.