I am 18 months today! And so excited about it. I got to start going to nursery at church and I LOVE it. I don't even notice when Mommy and Daddy leave me in there, and I cry when they pick me up because I have so much fun with my friends and learning about the gospel! I am so good in fact that the teacher told my daddy that I am the nursery hero :)
I can say ALL sorts of words now- I am a talking machine! I am still learning though- a lot of people probably wouldn't understand me but mommy and daddy do. Mommy loves that instead of crying now I can hand her my cup and say, More! Or when I want up I can say UP! Or when I am tired of sitting with mommy I can say, Down! I also say Ni, Ni and Help (it sounds A LOT like up) and please. (Please is SUPER hard. It usually just sounds like I am spitting politely.)
I know some animals now too. I love puppies the best and always bark when I see one. But I know what a turtle is, and can say turtle, and I know what a cow is! I am very good at mooing like a cow. I am learning to say tweet tweet too.
I am learning all about bodies too. What mommy calls "private parts" are my favorite to find :) But I also love noses, toes, and belly buttons. I LOVE to lift up my shirt and show people my belly button. I also like to stick out my tongue and show it to people.
I love lift the flap books- they are my favorite. Sometimes I get to excited to see what is underneath that flap that I rip it all the way off! But they are my favorite books to read to my mom and dad and have them read to me.
I love to play copy games. I like to make my orange slices cars and vroom them across my high chair tray. I love to take anything and put it to my ear and make it a phone. (Even cereal!) I like to take sticks and boards and make them into vacuum cleaners and clean the floor for my mommy.
I love people so much! I love to play in nursery or with people at the park. I got to go to my first birthday party this month for my friend Sarah. We had so much fun! I got her some books.
I still love to dance and play with balloons. My favorite toys are my puppy and my cars. I love to push any buttons I can find and to explore and climb and get into anything I shouldn't. I have bumps and scraps all over me all the time. I love to climb in and out of chairs, and take pictures of myself. I am not a very good photographer though.
I also really like to hide. Whenever mommy and daddy call for me I try to run and find someplace in a corner, in my tent, or under a table to keep away :) It ALWAYS makes them laugh. Mommy also sings lots of songs with me which I really really like. I love wheels on the bus, itsy bitsy spider, and the hippo song.
Mommy and Daddy love spending their time with me. They are super happy that I am their son and I have to admit- I am pretty great :)
I realized the other day that I didn't post pictures from my birthday even though it was like- more than two weeks ago.
Oh well, here they are!
I had a GREAT day. LOgan and I went out to breakfast. While we were gone Adam hid gifts for me all over the house and then I had to find them :) SO FUN.
Then Adam took over child care so I could have a shower longer than 15 minutes.The girls in my ward took me out to ice cream in the afternoon, and Adam took me out to dinner that night.
Then when Logan went to bed Adam and I watched HUNGER GAMES!!! So excited- Adam got it for me for my birthday and I have already watched it twice since. (Good workout motivation.)
You- not Adam, not Logan (though I do love them desperately) but YOU!!! Your last comments to my Hummus post, and an amazing blog post by my friend Heather who is the most honest and hilarious person EVER, totally brought around what I have been thinking about.
I have been blessed and cursed in life. My husband and son are the BEST people on the planet. (Blessing.) They also have metabolisms like a fetus. They are the few, the proud, the LEAN who at 26 can sit and study ALL day, and eat chocolate and cool aid ALL day, and LOOSE weight. Yes that's right, I said loose weight. My doctor has actually REQUESTED of me to keep Logan on fruit juice. This is NOT a joke. (I hate them. A little.)
I am not so. If I don't want my yummys to go to the boobs... or the butt... or the waist... or my face.... I have to be physical. Or skip the yummies.
Which is why I try to make the yummies- healthier. Aka- substitute applesauce for oil. Egg whites not eggs. Eat pudding not ice cream. Dark chocolate instead of milk. Homemade chips instead of store bought. Brownies made with black beans- I just made them today with this recipe and they are TO DIE FOR. Really. (I used 2 eggs and 1 egg white instead of the 3 eggs, and 1 tbsp of oil with tbsp of apple sauce instead of the 3 tbsp of oil.)
Does anyone feel like that there is this HUGE gap in being healthy, and being a mom/ working person/ student? I do. I need healthy meals. I need tasty meals. I need fast meals. I need cheap meals. Those four things do not combine all the time and sometimes it is tiring to try to make them.
I do my best. We eat all low fat cheese and butter and yogurt and milks and meats. We use turkey and beans and chicken instead of any red meat. (Hello- when did turkey get CHEAPER than beef?) I use almost all whole grains- no white in our house. (the exception? We go half and half with pasta and rice because Adam doesn't like the brown stuff, but he'll handle a half and half.)
When it comes to being SERIOUSLY cheap and healthy- the best I am is that I make my own bread and pretzels. I am not one to tout organic products. They are just TOO expensive for me to buy right now. Maybe in some places they aren't- but here in WV they are. (In fact, the most organic I go is my conditioner. And its not cheap :)
If you took a look in my freezer right now you would see that the door is all frozen fruits and veggies. Yum, healthy, fast when needed. You would see a loaf of multigrain bread that I got on sale for .99, whole grain waffles, frozen chicken breasts, veggie burgers, whole grain hamburger buns.
And frozen chicken nuggets, tatter tots, toaster struddles, juice concentrate, sweet potato fries, and two pints of ice cream.
Oh and my ice trays.
Simply saying- I do my best. I shop the sales. I buy in bulk when I can. I DO cook at home. But sometimes I am tired. Or Logan is working my nerve. Or Adam looks at my new dinner creation with the same look he gives when he smells Logan's dirty diapers. That's when its nice to have frozen chicken nuggets.
Your right. They are unhealthy. There is probably little nutritional value. They are probably loaded with preservatives. But one night a week? Here is my dirty secret folks.
I dont care.
If my body wants to stay perfectly preserved for years after I pass on what do I care? I'm dead.
If a quick meal means I am going to die at 75 instead of 80- I'll take my chances. (My grandpa is almost 100- I DO NOT want to get that old. If I am getting close- take me outside and shoot me dead.)
I will experiment. I am not afraid of trying new things. If I was I wouldn't have discovered that I love sesame oil, or black beans, or squash (oh yum squash), or caraway seeds. But I am not going to slave for hours over a meal that is not Thanksgiving. If my son AND husband both refuse to eat my new experiment I am not making it again no matter how healthy and natural it is.
I will not suffer through eating. It would be like forcing myself to read Faulkner and Dickens. No one deserves that punishment.
Eating should be like reading Harry Potter. One of the best parts of my day.
So any more advice you have for eating healthy and cheap for people on the go- let me hear them. (Totally excited to try tofu like heather says and making sweet potato chips like Alison suggested. LOVE sweet potatoes.)
(If you guess what that line is from you get one million dollars :)
Sometimes eating healthy is boring.
There is a line from a Savage Garden song that I LOVE that says- I believe that junk food tastes so good because its bad for you.
You know what I believe? I believe that same thing about healthy food- that because its good for you, a lot of the times it is just BLAH.
But I have been really super hard trying this week to be healthy. Not all crazy organic and stuff just- not so many cookies and graham crackers. I have said before that I am trying to be more healthy but guess what? Its impossible to force it on yourself- you have to really want it, and I haven't really wanted it until the week of my birthday.
That is when I realized, after a great talk with my mum, that I cant keep putting my life on hold waiting for a baby. I need to get as healthy as I used to be. I need to enjoy the son I have while he is as little as he is. I need to write and love my life.
So this week when I went grocery shopping I didn't buy anything that was white. I stocked up on lean turkey and cheese and some fat free coco and pop corn for late night snack attacks. (They happen- I'd rather be prepared :)
I have felt AWESOME. Really. I know I look no different but even by Wednesday morning, my three workouts and days of healthy eating just made me feel more alert and, well... happy. The only thing that stinks at all is that sometimes healthy food is BLAH.
I have been trying to combat this all day (and my deep radiating desire for something rich- I think black bean brownies may make the dessert menu tonight) and breakfast was a disaster. So, tired, for lunch I sliced up a cucumber, grabbed some whole grain tositos chips (which are healthy mind you) and a tub of Hummus, ready for another disappointing meal.
HOLY FREAKING YUM.
Why, why had I forgotten that Hummus is like- dieters ambrosia? That is is SO yummy, and SO healthy and filling and just um.
I enjoyed my meal so much that I gave Adam the stink eye when he tried to share it with me.
And I might just make Adam have cereal for dinner so I can have more hummus. Hummus, hummus, hummus.
Now the new top thing on my list of How to Become an Awesome Person is to make my OWN hummus. I might have to drive the whole hour into Pittsburgh though to find a place that sells Tahini.
Guess what? Yes its that time again. Its my birthday. People have been asking me all day if I feel old and the answer really is- yes I do. Now, I know I am only 26 and that I am a total baby. Mentally I know this. I think what makes me feel old is that now when people say, "Your closer to 30 than 20" its actually TRUE.
But, what makes me feel better is seeing what I have done in 26 years. I am aging but I am not wasting my time. I have traveled, I have graduated college with a degree, I have held several upper level jobs and did well in them. I am very happily married, I have a child and LOVE being a mom, I am not fat, and I have written several books. (I don't care if they are not published- writing them in the first step.) 26 years? Success at life :)
Being 26 also means I have added to my truths for living life list and I am going to re-post it here like I do every year for everyone to see. :)
What I’ve Learned
26 Truths for Living Life
1. When you’re learning how to walk, the standing back up part is important.
2. The most important word is not I or mine.
3. Potty training is hard
4. Always, always ask why
5. Don’t pick California poppies in California
6. Daisies are always free
7. When faced with the choice of getting to keep a toy that you want, and getting to say good bye to a friend you may never see again, always give up the Barbie for the chance to say good-bye.
8. Have faith.
9. Always have an imagination and always use it.
10. Barney is not as cool as you once thought.
11. Write-always write.
12. Work hard for yourself- not for your teachers or for your parents- but just for you.
13. Love your family. Someday they will be all that you have left.
14. Learn who you are, love who you are, be who you are.
15. Fall in love.
16. Dance the way you do when no one is watching.
17. People don’t die. They take a long vacation and go visit God.
18. You don’t know everything. In fact, you don’t know much at all. What you do know though, is that the only way to live is with God and His son, because it is then that you find joy.
19. Someday someone will make you realize that you can hold the world. And even if he ends up hurting you, you’ll know that every tear will be worth it because your love was real. Because it was when you loved him that you found yourself closest to God.
20. Learn how to live by yourself and love being alone. It will be very lonesome for quite some time but when it gets really bad, the Lord will send you a friend who will make the loneliness more tolerable.
21. Sometimes you loose sight of who you are. When this happens the best remedy is to just take off you clothes and jump into the water.
22. Love is not hard. Situations may be hard. Creating romance may be hard. But love itself, is very easy.
23. Do not let anyone or anything tell you to hurry. This is YOUR time. You need to live life, not be life.
24. Patience is a virtue that if you don't garner naturally, it will be forced upon you.
25. You MUST trust yourself- you know who you are. Now have FAITH in that person.
26. Be flexible. As much as you would like to think you are in control you are not- the Lord is. But have no fear- he is a much better manager than you are. And dont forget to write.
I was actually having a hard time picking between two things I have learned this year but this one is really the biggest. My miscarriage taught me this. Getting pregnant in December was unexpected and NOT in my plan, then loosing the baby was not in my plan, and then not being able to get pregnant was also not in my plan.
I am an organized person- I like having a plan, a schedule. I like knowing what is coming. And this year I have really realized while having an idea of what I want out of life is good- I have to be flexible because things will not happen on the time table I want. But if I have faith and follow the Lords plan things will be better in the end anyway. That is what I am trying to do.
Also, writing for me this year has been AWESOME. We're talking finishing books right and left. The true cure for depression is the written word. I feel SO bad for those of you that dont have this outlet. I love my writing. I love the books I have written. I love that it taxes me and frustrates me and makes me learn. I love rereading what I have written and having that totally full of myself feeling and knowing like Chaucer in a Knights Tale said- Man I'm Good :)
I have been a downer this year. The people who love me the most will say I have been just fine. The people who understand me the most will shrug their shoulders and tell you that it makes sense. Poor people like Adam are stuck somewhere in both worlds :)
Since my miscarriage in January I have been avoiding all new moms, pregnant women, new babies, baby showers and everything like that in general. The only exceptions have proved to be family and the people who I feel understand what I feel. (Aka have been through a miscarriage or infertility of any kind.)
Every month since January when I have started my period has added a week of self indulgence junk eating which hasn't helped me feel better about myself in general. Though it tastes amazing and helps in the moment :) (Amazingly enough I am still smaller than when I got married. Go figure.) Its depressing to loose a child. Its awful to have trouble getting pregnant added on top of that.
I've been avoiding friends, phone calls, and kind of have drawn inside myself in general. Talking about it doesn't help. I'm tired of people telling me and Adam to see a doctor. We don't have the money and really, its too soon. I'm tired of hearing it will happen. Yeah... speak for yourself.
Really? It is all self indulgence. The Lord has promised me that if I do what I should I WILL have another kid. But in His time not mine. Which means Logan and my next child might be a few years apart instead of the hoped for 18 months.
Which means I need to be faithful and keep an eternal perspective and be grateful for what I already have, not what I am lacking.
Those of you who think I am "awesome" for thinking like this are SO mistaken. Its taken me all of the past 9 months to realize that I have been spoiled and petulant, and what loving parent wants to help their kid when they act like that?
What I am actually writing to say is that today has been an amazing day. Maybe it was the great dream that I cant wait to write into a novel, maybe its because it was 65 degrees, totally overcast and pouring down rain ALL DAY. (for most of you that is depressive weather but for a true blood Oregonian that is BLISS. Way better than sunshine.)
I was leaving Sams Club with my huge Coke and was stopped behind a woman who was sending her husband out into the rain to get their car so she didn't have to carry out their brand new baby who was sitting in her carrier.
As I passed by I peaked into her cart to see the most perfect and beautiful baby boy in the world.
That's when it happened.
Instead of being filled with hatred towards this woman for having a perfect gift that I want so bad- all I wanted to do was ask her if I could cuddle the thing. Cuddle it and give it back to her mind you. I just wanted to smell it. I just wanted to tell her how lucky she was and how she was starting what would be the most beautiful part of the rest of her life.
Its a start. I still feel a pang of jealousy when I read on facebook that someone new is pregnant. Which is why I am not on there much anymore. I still eat a whole bowl of cookie dough the day I start my period but it only lasts a day now.
And I try to spend time each morning sitting back and watching, looking at the perfect gift I already have. My perfectly formed and healthy son. My totally happy boy. My husbands mini me. The kid that is just so darn excited to be alive he spontaneously starts to dance.
Being a mom is the second best part of my life. (Adam is the first of course.) I thank my Heavenly Father every day for what I already have. I couldn't love being a mother more and sometimes I feel incredibly selfish for wanting an even bigger piece of that cake.
Lets put it this way. That cake is SOO good I wouldn't mind 6 more slices. But I am SO grateful to just have that one. And I was SUPER happy and humbled today to realize that it has taken me 26 years to reach the maturity level of an 8 year old and just enjoy what I already have.