I think some how we have gotten to the point that we think that having a bad day is a bad thing. Don't get me wrong, I am not endorsing depression or anything but I think sometimes it is good to really just wallow in self pity. As long as it doesn't go past a day.
However, I am like everyone else and when I have a bad day, my guilt over having said bad day makes the bad day even worse. It was easy when I was single but now with a family I feel like I need to keep myself up because it is important to keep them up.
I had that bad day yesterday. Ugh- personal issues, then a half hour of hearing about family issues that made me feel bad themselves, and then worse for thinking all morning about my own stuff. Then there is a hubby who is stressed to the max because of a neuro exam on Monday. Then there is the apartment complex who because of other tenants moving out, has decided that now, from 8:30 am to 4:30 pm, is the best time to reconstruct next door, and downstairs.
Construction not only means jack hammer sounds all day- LOUD ones- but it means that those loud sounds make it so my son doesn't sleep. Yesterday was day THREE of construction meaning Logan has not napped for longer than 45 minuets at a time in THREE days.
Not only has my ONE year old not slept, but the jack hammer sounds? SCARE him. Which means even if I let him stand next to me when I am on the toilet he cry's because he is not on my lap.
It doesn't matter how much I try to be the happy positive person but three days of a stressed man, three days of a tired son, three days of a one year old crawling over me so I can barely make a dinner- toss in shredded toilet paper on my floor and my and my families self pity- it was a bad day.
So the relief society activity i was NOT planing on going to, I INSISTED on attending, even with Logan. Because then I could let other people entertain him. And Logan, bless him, was happy to see someone who was not his irritated mother.
What is funny- an hour insight of Logan but without him on my lap- did plenty to refresh me. And Adam, bless him, after having an hour on line with his best friend was fully ready to love on his happy tired son when we got home.
Logan went to bed in an instant. Adam kissed me and I settled down to an evening of Spin City and pudding AND animal crackers. By ten o clock I was looking at pictures on my son on my phone and started writing this realizing that it was a bad day. And realizing that I don't have to get down even MORE because of a bad day.
Everyone has things they want right now, good things, that they just don't get. Everyone gets jealous of others sometimes. Everyone has families that suffer at some time and another and they feel trapped because they cant do anything about it. Everyone gets upset at their spouses for being sharp when they need some tenderness as well.
And EVERYONE had a day that they regret with their children because they didn't play enough, didn't love enough, and were too impatient and tough. And everyone has days where instead of looking at the bright side of life, they wallow in darkness for too long. And I realized that it was perfectly okay to be that way ALL day as long as it doesn't go into tomorrow.
So, even though there is STILL construction and my son is still scared of it, and my hubby is still stressed, and I still don't have some of the righteous desires of my heart- I also have a cheap and clean apartment with wonderful managers. I still have a husband who every thirty minutes looks up to smile at me and tell me he loves me (because HE is worried he is not paying enough attention :). I still have a son who loves me and wants to be with me. and who doesn't care when I am too tired to wash the peanut butter out of his hair. (I am assuming if he put it there he likes it there right?)
and despite my pudding, animal crackers, chocolate chips, relief society Mexican feast, hot dog, chips and everything ELSE I ate all day- I am NOT fat.
And for your enjoyment here is the picture that made me melt and feel better. :) Sorry its uncensored :)