Monday, March 7, 2011

Logan and I and the Rain

I have this very strange desire... to make sure my child is partly ME. I know he won't be able to avoid it- he has half of my genes. And what's funny- is that its not really that I want him to love to read or write. Its the funniest things about me and my life that I want him to experience, or the littlest things that I want to be a part of his life.

I was thinking about this today because I was thinking about how much I would LOVE IT if it was raining while Logan was being born. I'm sure a lot of people think this is super weird but see... I am from Oregon. Rain water I think is something that after a few months in the northwest just sank into my veins. It would be like trying to take Mountains out of someone from Colorado or Utah, or trying to take green grassy hills out of someone from Tennessee.

I love the south. And I would have no problem with my child being a southern boy. I married one right? I can't hate them. And yet, I am NOT a southern girl. I am an Oregonian. (How sad is it that I am actually TEARING up as I say that?) And I LOVE Oregon. Almost everything about it. And I want part of Logan- to be Oregonian. I want him to walk down a road and be warmed by the mixed smell of old books, rain water, and marijuana. I want him to LOVE wearing flip-flops when its only 60 degrees and the ground is still so wet. I don't want him to ever want to bother with an umbrella.

I would love it if he got all liberal about legalizing marijuana everywhere (yes I am all for that but we can bring that up in another post) or walking and biking instead of driving, or NOT censoring books in school, or recycling!

The closer it gets to him coming, the more I find myself grasping onto anything that is so uniquely me, and the life I have led. And that's normal for me to go through that once a year- needing to find myself again wherever I am- but its funny because this year its not that I want to find me for me- I want to find it for my child. I have even gotten so weird about it, that I have actually cried at the idea that no one from my family or from Oregon will be there for his blessing. Its a blessing right? Who cares who is there? The matter is to make sure he gets one for HIM. But I have this strange... deep NEED for there to be something that represents me there- outside of me myself. And I feel that about every part of Logan's life. I don't WANT him to be 100% southern. Because like it or not he's half northwestern.

Maybe I just miss Oregon and my family. Maybe I am just SUPER weird. (Both things I know are currently true haha!) Have any of you experienced this? Who cares is Logan loves Linkin Park or classical art... as long as something pulls at the inside of him when he walks outside in the rain or when he slips on a pair of burkenstocks. Am I the only crazy mom-to-be?

1 comment:

  1. Not sure if my comment posted or not so this might be a duplicate, but I am so glad you are almost done being preggo and ready to be a mom! And I completely agree with loving the rain and wanting to pass that on. I grew up in Washington and I think the smell of rain is one of the best smells in the world.

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