Sunday, March 27, 2011

Grateful Tears

I am sure you all will laugh at me about this but I don't care :)

Around 8 last night, I had just finished nursing and was waiting for Logan's nurse to come in. We were just enjoying cuddling and watching The Food Network and I started to CRY. Not loudly sobbing- just loads of tears.

I actually had a freak out moment that MY nurse was going to come in and everyone would start worrying that I had post-pardum and somehow I was going to have to make them believe that I was NOT crying because I was sad- but I was SO overwhelmingly thankful. (I was a rather mean pregnant lady but I am proving to be a weepy new mom haha! Almost crying right now.)

I am so grateful for a beautiful hospital that doesn't even feel like one, to stay in and recover in.

I am so grateful for my nurses and Logan's nurses who answer every and any question I have, and are just generally the nicest people in the world.

I am grateful for the nurses who have sat with me every time I nurse to make sure I do it right, and to make sure Logan gets the hang of it.

I am so grateful that the only problem we have with nursing is that Logan gets frustrated that it comes out so slow. Which is frustrating until he latches and then its funny how impatient he is, and what his wrinkly face looks like when he is impatient :)

I am so grateful for the amazing and talented doctors who did my c-section- for studying so hard to be where they are, to be able to do something like that for me and my son. For being so nice to Adam and I, for keeping us laughing and smiling even during the operation, and so patient and caring afterwards.

I am grateful for Adam for being so calm and wonderful- and so HELPFUL. He holds baby, cleans him, helps me feed- I LOVE watching them nap together. I love that Adam loves it and wants us home ASAP.

I am so grateful that pregnancy and the first few days of parenthood, instead of being hard on our marriage, has only brought Adam and I SO much closer, and made us so much happier.

I am so grateful that though I was so worried about loosing patience too fast- so far it hasn't been hard to be empathetic and understanding of my kid. Even when he is whining at 4 am. (Though whether I am okay with it a 4am in the future will probably be directly related to how MUCH it happens :)

I am so grateful that being a parent has been natural. Not that I know what to do at all- I ask questions about EVERYTHING. But- I mean the instinct to love Logan and to help him and care for him- that wasn't something I had to work to find, and I was worried before that it would be.

I am so grateful for the time I have had just to cuddle Logan. I tear up sometimes when they take him from my room because even if I'm not holding him- I do like to just look at his little wrinkly face.

I am so grateful Logan likes long naps.

I am so grateful just to HAVE Logan- that Heavenly Father trusts me to be a mom of this tiny thing despite everything I do wrong.

I know that a lot of this will probably change- that I AM going to get frustrated, and things WILL get tough at points. That I will loose my patience, that I will cry because I am mad or upset and not happy. I know if I don't hit speed bumps with breast feeding or my c-section- I will with something else.

But you know what? The fact that my first few days have been SO wonderful is just something else to be grateful for. And no matter how hard things DO get- that doesn't take away how much I love and am grateful for Adam and how amazing he is. And it doesn't take away from how cute I think Logan is, how much I love him now, and how much he makes me laugh.

I love the men in my life. I have always loved all my "boys", but its especially nice when I know they are mine forever- and that they are ALL mine :)

2 comments:

  1. Brilliant post. I love reading gratefuls. Congratulations again!

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  2. He's beautiful! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you.

    ReplyDelete