Monday, February 21, 2011

Parenting Survey- SHARE WITH ME!

Adam and I have been talking a lot about parenting lately. I am sure that shocks NO ONE. And I think we are feeling the same way that all YOUNG parents do in that, we want to be GOOD parents, but we don't want our children to despise us.

Now, we are not dumb. We know that only 1% of teens like their parents. We're ready to be hated. And we know all kids, no matter how much they love their parents most of the time, have days where they despise them. We're ready for that too.

But were talking about the kids who actually have a good relationship with their parents. Yes, most everyone loves their parents for being parents, and no one likes their parents 100% of the time. We've taken all that into consideration.

But you know those people who go into college, or even in high school that just seem to... get along with the adults in the house? They just have a GOOD relationship.

How do you get that?

I want to take a survey. Every person who feels that they have a good relationship with either mom, dad, or both- and I want them to analyze WHY. WHY do you feel your parents were good parents? What did they do that made it so you guys got along? How did the parent well, and yet inspire trust and love at the same time?

I bet a lot of the answers will be personal- kid versus parent personality. But, I bet EVERY person who feels they have a positive relationship with a parent- will mention two or three things that are the same. I have faith in the fact that there HAS to be at least two or three good parenting constants no matter who you are or where you live.

And Adam and I just feel that.... if we could get those two or three traits/ styles/ etc under our belts- that we could do this whole mommy, daddy thing. It would be kind of like a parenting cheat sheet.

If you feel comfortable... answer my lame survey :) Do you have a good relationship with either of your parents? Why? What did they do?

I promise- if you answer some day my kid will probably some to appreciate it A LOT. :)

4 comments:

  1. I didn't have a good relationship with my parents.. however, I DO have some advice as I'm attempting to be somewhat of a decent paret.
    1. Be Open, and honest. Communicate everything with your child, your feelings, share stories about your past, why you are doing things, your likes and dislikes. Don't treat them like they can't possibly understand what you are saying. If its a tough subject, put it in a way they can understand. ex. Jared is gone for a few months= daddy is working. Works perfectly, and Madi understands.

    2. Apologize to your kids. Sometimes parents get a god complex. We make mistakes too, and kids know it. So apologize. REALLY apologize.

    Those were things that were not done in my home growing up.. and I'm implementing them into mine. I'm interested in seeing the other answers!

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  2. I didn't have a great relationship with my parents growing up. It came later - the past few years. The thing I DIDN'T like about my parents parenting (ha!) is that they were not open with us. There were way too many times that I felt so lost with what was going on with my dad's job, my parent's relationship with each other, my sibling's issues, etc. If they had just kept me in the loop - all of us, not just me - then I would have been a lot more layed back, I think.

    Another thing is that I wish my parents physically and verbally loved me more. I had a very low self-esteem growing up and I wish my mom told me I was pretty, or that they hugged me more. I ALWAYS pulled away from a hug because I was afraid to show emotion. I wish I was smothered with love instead of the opposite. I also wish we fought more. I know that sounds crazy. But we all held everything in, never confronted each other, and so everything just simmered for a while until it blew up. If we all listened to each other and compromised on a solution, it would have been better.

    Anyway, hope this helps. I'm trying to do things differently as a mama than my parents, but it's hard.

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  3. One of my favorite things growing up is when I came home from school my mom was there and she would just sit down and talk to us about our day and just listen. Even when she started working when I was in sixth grade she made sure she was home when each kid got home from school. And my parents always supported us in every thing we wanted to do. They would talk to us about it and make sure we really wanted to do it, and they supported us through the entire thing. They came to every sporting event, every concert and any other extracuricular thing we had going on. Basically, my parents were there for us and listened to us and supported us. Yes, there were times I didn't get a long with them, but overall I never really hated my parents.

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  4. My parents aren't perfect but they're pretty darn close. Here are some things that they did that I loved and helped keep our relationship strong - I've always had a good relationship with my parents.

    1. They took time for each other. When dad got home from work, my parents would disappear into their bedroom for fifteen minutes or so while dad changed just so they could talk. Also, as we got older, Friday night was their date night. If they disagreed, they tried to keep it behind closed doors, and they never spoke ill of each other in front of the kids. I knew there were things that my dad did that annoyed my mom and vice versa - but I also knew that they loved each other. And because I knew they loved each other, I knew they loved me as well, which made it easier for me to want their advice. That stability was always important to me. (I read once that the worst thing for a kid is unpredictability - kids function better when they know what to expect from people/situations.)

    2. I agree with that openness that others are talking about. I'll add to it that I don't think parents should treat their kids childishly. I remember taking my life very seriously from a young age. Things that were important to me were very important, and I hated to have anyone make fun of them. I always appreciated when my parents would treat things that I thought were important with respect.

    3. We did things together. Mom and dad would take us out on dates. Every Sunday we had "kid time" where they'd talk to each kid individually about what was going on in their life. They didn't force us into activities, and they always came to support us when we did something. They kept up on what we were doing in school and asked us about it.

    So, in other words - those funny Mormon-ad videos are right when they say that it's really, ultimately, about TIME. At least it was for me.

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