Monday, January 17, 2011

Pathetic

Me not you. Don't worry.

Why you ask?

Adam left for Memphis this morning for a med school interview. Great for him! Yay! And since I was already scheduled to work tomorrow (the day of the interview) we figured he would go by himself this time. Plus- it would save us money because instead of staying in a hotel he can stay with a med school student on campus. For free. Great opportunity all around and it worked out perfectly and happily.

Almost.

You see... in April of 2005 I said good-bye to Adam when he flew home to Tennessee BEFORE his mission. Then late August of 2007 I picked Adam up from the airport when he came back to Utah after his mission. Since that day in August we haven't been apart for more than 24 hours. I always use the excuse that I am making up for the more than two years that I didn't get to see him at all.

Yes I do realize- a little pathetic. Even when I was in the hospital a year or so ago, Adam would bring his homework and study with me in my bed while I watched The Disney Channel. I have to tell you though- that first night when I actually saw him leave the hospital to go home, instead of falling asleep with him there, that I cried SO HARD the nurse came in worried something was wrong. Not joking.

I just don't like being away from Adam. At all. And really, this will be the longest we have been apart since August of 2007.

What's REALLY pathetic is that he is coming home TOMORROW NIGHT. Yeah, tomorrow. And yet when I said good-bye to him at ten this morning, and he gave me a huge kiss and a dashing smile, I had to use ALL My strength to send him off with a smile and not a scary huge crying mess.

And I thought- hey, I have the day off. I'll be productive. I'll get all my errands done. I'll clean, I'll shower, I'll shop, I'll sew...

I left the house at ten, right after Adam, and drove to the post office. To only realize it was closed since it was Martin Luther King day. Which means that ONLY errand I could actually run was to Wal Mart.

But shop I did- determined to be happy and productive. I came home, unloaded, turned on a Barbara Streisand movie, put together prizes for baby shower games (this Saturday- yay!) and then I sat back in my swivel chair and indulged in a bag of popcorn for lunch and let myself be sad and miserable until the movie was over.

I don't mind time to myself. I actually rather relish it. A lot. It's just a lot better when I know Adam's going to come waltzing home at the end of the day instead of thinking of having to go to sleep by myself in a large bed. I joked with Adam that it was going to be great to sleep with all the pillows and he smiled and didn't believe me at all.

Who would? It's so not true.

So, I am writing this to indulge myself in a little well meant sadness. Then I plan on going into my sewing room and watching Robin Hood while quilting. Then tonight I am going out with my best Tennessee friends, Leann and Kristelle which will cheer me up. Then I will come home, put on a movie, and most likely cry myself to sleep.

I am anticipating that. I know it will happen because I am THAT silly and I am fine with it. I don't even say that to make you feel bad for me- in fact, LAUGH at me. That will make me feel better.

And see? Now that I have had out with it, when Adam calls tonight I can be happy and positive and full of excitement for him and his interview. And he'll come walking in the door tomorrow at midnight and I will be so happy and when we go to bed I'll say something like, "Man, it sure was nice having more room, and all the blankets. Now I have to deal with you."

And he'll laugh and go, "Whatever, you probably cried yourself to sleep didn't you?"

:) Ah well. Maybe this is what they mean when they say it IS possible to love someone too much. Guess that's why I married him.

No comments:

Post a Comment