It worked. I was in the best shape and best health I have ever been in my life and when I saw that little pee-stick that said, "yeah, guess what..." I was excited. All my goals were going to come true- I was going to exercise and eat right...
Despite hearing about the horrors of morning sickness and exhaustion... you never really expect what is to come. In the light of being STARVED (or feeling that way) during my first few months of pregnancy I gave into mashed potatoes with butter every night. I gave into plain greasy potato chips and fries. I broke down and had soda after soda. If I didn't have to cook it myself- I ate it.
Mostly because I couldn't stomach anything else. And because I was too tired to cook anything else.
Shocker number 2- exercise is HARD. Down went running with a quick and fast bang. I was out of breath, couldn't get enough hydration... Kickboxing worked great until the serious baby growth settled in, and then my clumsiness made me so nervous that I don't even walk down the stairs without grasping the railing.
Maybe these are all excuses and they aren't good enough. But I at least I know I am being honest when I say- "wow, I never saw THAT coming." And true- though sometimes I FEEL as if I have been the most unhealthy and lazy person ever, my weight gain has been right on track and not out of control. And my doctors say I am 100% healthy. (So I guess walking really IS a great thing.)
The thing is- my desire to be healthy is still there and that is something that I am happy about. Even WITH the doctors telling me, "Make sure you get enough sugar" and "When you have a head-ache drink something caffeinated before downing medication." (That's not a lie- my doctor really told me to try that.) Pregnancy diets are weird right? What? I just got the green light to consume soda and ice cream? Really? Are you sure? When I have a craving for something I should give in? really? Cause I might be missing nutrients? Are you sure sugar is a nutrient?
Pregnancy has helped me learn more about protein and fiber and healthy nutrients and chemicals that we often write off as awful (Aka: Sodium, and sugar) than anything else in my life has. And I am really grateful to have learned those things.
And I have gotten better as the months have progressed. I make sure I have fruit EVERY day. (Usually in the form of green apples or canned pears.) I try to sneak in veggies with dinner. (NO broccoli.) I have stuck to everything in high fiber forms. (Bread, jam etc... fiber is very important in pregnancy, as I have come to learn) I switched the chips for pretzels. I have been getting more protein in every day with eggs and nuts (who knew THAT could help get rid of swelling?)
I guess what I am saying is that I have felt horridly guilty for 8 months thinking I have given up everything I worked so hard for. Even though in the true blinding light of day- most of it I feel pretty justified in. And maybe this ramble was to make me feel better that I haven't been working out every day like I planned (though I do walk) and that when I want a cookie- no matter how processed it is- I usually eat it. Scratch that. I eat two.
Maybe its going to be REALLY hard to jump back onto my Weight Watchers band wagon in a few weeks. Maybe I will find giving up peanut butter is so hard it wasn't worth it giving in. (At least its something I can be ready for in round 2 right?)
You know what I DO feel good about though? All the things that HAVE stuck with me. Making sure I have more than 64 ounces of water a day. All the high fiber cereals and breads. Eating low fat dairy. I am amazed at how many healthy habits have stayed with me. Usually in the past when I have "gained weight" its because I loose all motivation and I go back to being just as I was before.
Weight Watchers really worked. It became a habit. Those healthy things I learned stayed with me.
And you know what? Even though it might be hard- I feel really good about the fact that I am already motivated. That I can't WAIT for the energy to run with my cool new jogger stroller :) That I can't WAIT to bust out some ab work-outs to really make sure my torso is tight again for baby 2. (I tell you- I think Biggest Looser Ab workouts SAVED me this time round. Really.)
I know it might take a while for that energy to come back- but everything is about starting off slow right? After all, when I started Weight Watchers its not like I was running a 5k in weeks. It took me a long time to get to that point.
People- I love healthy eating. I love healthy living. I love the way it makes me feel and look, I love the energy it brings to me, my family, my home... I'm sorry I took such a long sabbatical from talking about something that is so ME (there were other things on the brain... :) But I am going to try to get back into it. Now.
Even if I am not running (yeah... legs are too huge for even the doctor to approve of that right now) at least I can read about it, and talk about it. I can dig out those favorite healthy recipes. Don't worry- I'm not going to be counting points or calories in these last crucial months. And you know what? I am going to enjoy taking the second cookie while I still feel like I have an excuse to eat it.
But with the New Year comes new resolutions and everyone is talking about healthy eating and living right now and it is just getting me fired up! Because I love it. So despite the fact that I can't join in on your no sugar campaign- at least for a little while longer- I can still get on my soap box about how awesome it is.
And I can throw out the left over Christmas candy. And buy some dried mangoes.
Thanks to all of you who have been blogging about this lately- you brought a spark back to my life that I desperately was missing :)