Friday, January 14, 2011

Freak Out

Yes, I am freaking out. Did you guys ever go through this when pregnant? Did you ever sit in bed with your feet elevated because they are so huge and still HURT from only working a 9 hour shift and you look down at your belly as your kid SHOVES his foot into your ribs and you go...

Oh my holy freaking crap. What have I done. WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

10 weeks... and I am going to be a mom. A MOM. Do you know what that means? Think of your mom. Think of her patience. Her sacrifice. The fact that she hasn't SLEPT since her first child was born.

I'm sure it will be fine. I KNOW it will be fine. But having this kid, and everything that accompanies it.... such as becoming one hundred percent dependent on someone, even if they are as wonderful as my husband (and yes, giving up a job I don't LOVE and having to be dependent on Adam and watching him stress and worry though he doesn't mind stressing and worrying is what I HATE and worry about the most. I hate dependence.)... just hits me more and more each week that I and this kid get bigger.

So that is my dilemma. Or freak out. I want this kid. I want our family. I am excited for it. I am ready to get my body back. I m ready for pregnancy to be done. But I also don want to give up co-support. I don't know if I'm ready for screaming and long nights and mounds of laundry and wondering if I will ever get to shower.

At least I don't have any stretch marks yet right? Not one.


  1. oh man, I hope HOPE HoPe you don't get any! I didn't have any with my first untiiiil two weeks before Ayd.. was born, they appeared. :S You'll do great, having a new baby is a whole new experience, it's kind of scary, but if you let it, your home can feel so spiritual and peaceful. I know some days I feel like I'm not cut out to be a Mom, and then one day someone reminded me that the natural man was not cut out the be good, but some of us are, and we try to be good; just like I try to be a good mother and some days I really succeed at it, and some days I utterly fail. I don't know if that sounds totally retarded to you. But it really helped me. Good luck with your last 10 weeks! The most exciting part is yet to come, seriously. L&D is the BEST part of it all!

  2. Freaking out is ok. I freaked out right before I had each of my kids and thought "what did I get myself into?!!" just like you are now, and I still struggle with being dependent on my husband. I have always liked helping out financially, but I am getting used to staying at home. No mother is perfect, and we all make mistakes but our children forgive us quickly and your little baby boy is going to have a great mother. Ok...I know I only know you from reading your blog, but I am sure I am right. I like how you are realistic with how it is going to be after you have the baby. No one really told me about the no sleep and the not being able to take a shower.

  3. Yeah..showering would be nice..haha. Thats what naps are for! :) sweetheart, yes. I freaked out about everything..It's what I'm best at. Right now I'm currently wondering why I thought the military was a good idea.. But the moment that sweet little baby boy is in your doesn't matter about the laundry or how much you have to work and worry. Or that the only thing you have to eat in the house is cheerios..Because that sweet precious baby is just perfect. And you get to sit and look at him and snuggle allllll day. Its by far the best thing in the world. Being a stay at home mom will rock at first, then get boring..then get crazy..and cycle. Well, thats how I feel at least. But nothing can take the awesomeness of being a mom. You can do it, and you will love it. And adam will be jealous of you!

  4. oh, and when you become a mom, you automatically know everything. It's taken care of a few family battles already!

  5. haha yes. Motherhood can be all those things. But it's mostly amazing (although the first time around it IS an adjustment- it's a different world. This second baby has been wayyy easier because I already know what to expect I guess)
    Don't worry about the laundry till you have four kids- can you imagine!? I'm scared for that haha! Give them time the stretch marks will come. haha! No seriously, I got them the last weeks of mine. fingers crossed you get a chill baby like my first was- I remember having him all set to get into this motherhood thing and then all he ever did was sleep. I was like, what am I even here for? haha jk. You'll be great!

  6. No stretch marks? You are so lucky! Looks like you are made to be pregnant! :)
    You will do amazingly well as a mom. All the things you freak out about now you somehow naturally just do it once he comes like you are a pro!
    You will be a wonderful mom!
    ps thanks for the info about the article, I'm open for any help so it was great!

  7. Oh goodness, I hate this part of pregnancy. The waiting, the worrying, the not-knowing. It's tough. But just think about this - your little baby knew before he was conceived that he would come to earth with two parents who would struggle just like him. And he said yes! How wonderful is that?! You'll be an amazing mom. We ALL struggle with it. And that is a complete understatement. But we're all doing alright! You're going to be fabulous and everything will work out just fine. It always does!

  8. im freaking out about #2 coming... and i totally did exactly what you just described, at about the same time as you, with bella. it's awesome. and yeah, scary and hard and stuff sometimes. but also really awesome. and you just can't even imagine living like you are now once that baby comes along. so freak out :) it's good for ya :)