Monday, November 8, 2010

Mother Bear

When I was in England, all the girls gave each other "spirit animals". I was SUPER excited for mine- I was thinking a cat. Loves to lie in the sun, live in luxury, doesn't have to care but can love whenever it chooses...

yeah. I was unanimously voted to be Mother Bear. And I wasn't totally excited. I wanted something more exotic. Some of it makes sense. I am a little chubby, and I do have big bosoms so yes. I am very cuddly. That's not vain- that's fact. When I was confused about the choice the girls said (not in these exact words), that I was the teddy bear you want to cuddle and hug, and if someone hurt someone close to me I would bite the perpetrators head off.

It was funny- because it has taken me years of thinking about this to finally realize that I guess I am a little protective. I never really see myself that way so it was so strange that everyone else saw this so easily. Here is what has led me to agree with my spirit animal over the past few days:

When i was in high school, the boy I had a HUGE MASSIVE crush on said something a little mean- and most likely true- about my older brother. I cornered him against a wall in a full hallway and told him that if he wanted to be friends with me he had to love my brother and if he ever said anything against my brother again I would write off his friendship forever. And I meant it. And this particular friend and my brother ended up being good enough friends that we doubled. Often.

I wrote off a Young Women's leader completely for not accepting my very best friend because he was a little dark (personality) and different from the home spun Mormon. It took him YEARS to become interested in the church again and if this ladies husband hadn't been so great to my sibling I would still write her off for making him feel not worthy or accepted.

A girlfriend of mine got used a few different times from a series of seemingly good guys. It took ALL of me, and I mean all, to not go and slash their tires. I DO promise I completely ignored them in the grocery store and on campus, and made Adam do the same, despite how nice we may have been before.

Someone once said something to Adam in a tone of surprise that was along the lines of, "Wow you got a med school interview?" Granted, they may have meant it in a different way, but I took it as a "YOU?" Surprise that Adam might have got that far. I was LIVID. Writing awful poems about them livid. Can't talk to them for days mad at them.

Someone hurt my mom once. Emotionally. No background on the story for you here but I didn't talk to the person for an entire month, and I cried myself to sleep because of it. Multiple times.

See? Some of these are even funny- but its not even that good of a thing. I don't even wait to hear the other persons side. But the girls were right. If you hurt someone I love- I WILL HATE you. I will write you off. I will TP your house and in the words of the Hollywood Chaucer "I will eviscerate you in fiction."

It makes me worry for my poor children. Because it will take all of me to not hunt down the people who will inevitably hurt them, and punch them in the face. I will probably embarrass them more than once when I hear people tease them, and I find out it was all good-natured. But at least they can depend on me that if someone really does hurt them and they need me, if they need me to go yell at a teacher or a counselor, you better BELIEVE I will do it. Without hesitation.

I can tease good-naturedly. I can call my siblings full of themselves, freaks, suck-ups etc. I can tease Adam about being a geek. Don't you feel that way sometimes? You can tease your own but NO ONE else better go near them? No matter the friendship or relationship that they may have?

Maybe I am crazy. But I can tell you- its not something I am even LOOKING to get rid of anytime soon. Love me love my own. And beware- you get loved by me and you are looking to be loved for a very long time, and I MIGHT get on people for not being as nice to you as I think they should be. :)

Grrr.

2 comments:

  1. I love the story of you cornering the boy in the hall at school, that's hilarious. I am a lot like that too. I had a really hard time seeing certain members of Jesse's family tease him the way the do because it seemed a little harsh. I'm pretty much used to it, but there are times I still don't like, and I let them know, but I try to be nice about it since they are family.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I like your spirit animal. I agree, and I really liked this post. I think you are brilliant.

    ReplyDelete