Thursday, October 21, 2010

Knowing

Sometimes mine and Adams relationship cracks me up. Basically because we know each other SO WELL. Impossibly well. Let me give you an example.

When we got engaged we NEVER talked about it. In fact, I had no idea Adam was even looking for marriage until the night he proposed. Now- like most girls, I had a certain ring style I liked. In fact, when I had gone with my room-mates boyfriend looking for her ring, I found the EXACT ring that I wanted. To the T. But since Adam and I had never talked about marriage, I couldn't give him a heads up on what I liked. Imagine my surprise that when he proposed the ring Adam gave me was MY RING. To the T. Yeah- he knows me that well. He didn't ask anyones advice either. I checked.

Example 2. During my bridal shower we played that game where someone asks the guy questions about the girl, and then the girl has to guess what the GUY answered, not what the real answers are. One of the questions my friend asked Adam was, "What is Sarah's favorite dessert." I said, "Adam will tell you my favorite dessert is brownies, though its really chocolate chips." What Adam has said. "Brownies. It might be something else... but I'm going with brownies." YEAH. My room-mates started marking me down on technicalities because I didn't get a single question wrong. The worst it got was with the question, "What is Sarah's favorite toothpaste?" Adam guessed Crest paste. I said Crest gel.

I think we have this kind of... sensor for the other. I used to call it the mommy sensor. See, if my mom is taking a nap on Sunday afternoon, unless you really shake the woman, she's not going to wake-up. However, if I am sick, and I sneak silently into her room in the middle of the night, the moment I crack the door open she sits right up in bed and says, "Sarah are you ok?" How she knows it is me, and that I am sick, I have NO IDEA.

Adam has this sensor for me. Example. When we lived in Utah, one morning I was up super early making us lunches. I dropped a butter knife on my toe and it cut me. (Weird huh?) Despite the fact that it hurt like a mother I didn't make more sound than a gasp, a grunt, and a whispered "ouch." Seconds later, Adam, who had been talking in his sleep he was sleeping so sound, comes running out of the bedroom, leaps over the back of the couch, and sits in the kitchen with me until he makes sure I am fine. Then, looking at me almost asleep again he kisses me and says, "I'm going to go back to bed." HOW THE HECK. I mean really.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately because my family is going through a particularly rough patch, and I was indulging myself in a sob last night. Adam comes over to the bed, leaps on it, hides his face in the covers so I all see are these HUGE wide eyes peaking at me. I had to laugh. Then he kisses me and I try to smile and he says, "Sarah. You don't have to be happy for me. I am happy for you!" Then he kisses me and goes back to do whatever he had been doing originally.

Maybe some people would think what a horrible man to leave his wife lying sobbing in bed. But really, what a GREAT man. Adam has known me long enough and well enough to know that when I am sad, I don't like being coddled. Rarely cuddled. Leave me alone and when I am ready, I will ask for a hug. And when I ask for one, I don't want to then talk about what made me sad. When I am done crying, that means I am done thinking and feeling for the moment. True to character, when I was done being self indulgent, Adam crawls into bed and turns on Friends which we watched until we fell asleep.

I could easily chalk up some of this strangeness to the fact that we have known each other for so long, and really supported one another, as friends before romance, through some tough times. I think for us, being there for one another un-romantically really made a difference when we started dating. And after however many years of talking all night long, (or writing) its not hard to really know another person.

Still- sometimes I get this sense that its not even that we know each other. We balance and handle the other so well... through some other sense we seem to have for the other. Its like when you really get a subject as school and you don't have to study. It comes naturally. Adam and I... come naturally to one another. Weird. But also very lucky. (Also one of the reasons I married him. No one gets me like Adam does.) And I am very grateful for it.

(Now the hilarious side note to all of this is- until this year, if you had asked Adam what my birthday was he would have thought super hard, then gotten the month right and the day completely wrong.)

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