Thursday, October 21, 2010

Knowing

Sometimes mine and Adams relationship cracks me up. Basically because we know each other SO WELL. Impossibly well. Let me give you an example.

When we got engaged we NEVER talked about it. In fact, I had no idea Adam was even looking for marriage until the night he proposed. Now- like most girls, I had a certain ring style I liked. In fact, when I had gone with my room-mates boyfriend looking for her ring, I found the EXACT ring that I wanted. To the T. But since Adam and I had never talked about marriage, I couldn't give him a heads up on what I liked. Imagine my surprise that when he proposed the ring Adam gave me was MY RING. To the T. Yeah- he knows me that well. He didn't ask anyones advice either. I checked.

Example 2. During my bridal shower we played that game where someone asks the guy questions about the girl, and then the girl has to guess what the GUY answered, not what the real answers are. One of the questions my friend asked Adam was, "What is Sarah's favorite dessert." I said, "Adam will tell you my favorite dessert is brownies, though its really chocolate chips." What Adam has said. "Brownies. It might be something else... but I'm going with brownies." YEAH. My room-mates started marking me down on technicalities because I didn't get a single question wrong. The worst it got was with the question, "What is Sarah's favorite toothpaste?" Adam guessed Crest paste. I said Crest gel.

I think we have this kind of... sensor for the other. I used to call it the mommy sensor. See, if my mom is taking a nap on Sunday afternoon, unless you really shake the woman, she's not going to wake-up. However, if I am sick, and I sneak silently into her room in the middle of the night, the moment I crack the door open she sits right up in bed and says, "Sarah are you ok?" How she knows it is me, and that I am sick, I have NO IDEA.

Adam has this sensor for me. Example. When we lived in Utah, one morning I was up super early making us lunches. I dropped a butter knife on my toe and it cut me. (Weird huh?) Despite the fact that it hurt like a mother I didn't make more sound than a gasp, a grunt, and a whispered "ouch." Seconds later, Adam, who had been talking in his sleep he was sleeping so sound, comes running out of the bedroom, leaps over the back of the couch, and sits in the kitchen with me until he makes sure I am fine. Then, looking at me almost asleep again he kisses me and says, "I'm going to go back to bed." HOW THE HECK. I mean really.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately because my family is going through a particularly rough patch, and I was indulging myself in a sob last night. Adam comes over to the bed, leaps on it, hides his face in the covers so I all see are these HUGE wide eyes peaking at me. I had to laugh. Then he kisses me and I try to smile and he says, "Sarah. You don't have to be happy for me. I am happy for you!" Then he kisses me and goes back to do whatever he had been doing originally.

Maybe some people would think what a horrible man to leave his wife lying sobbing in bed. But really, what a GREAT man. Adam has known me long enough and well enough to know that when I am sad, I don't like being coddled. Rarely cuddled. Leave me alone and when I am ready, I will ask for a hug. And when I ask for one, I don't want to then talk about what made me sad. When I am done crying, that means I am done thinking and feeling for the moment. True to character, when I was done being self indulgent, Adam crawls into bed and turns on Friends which we watched until we fell asleep.

I could easily chalk up some of this strangeness to the fact that we have known each other for so long, and really supported one another, as friends before romance, through some tough times. I think for us, being there for one another un-romantically really made a difference when we started dating. And after however many years of talking all night long, (or writing) its not hard to really know another person.

Still- sometimes I get this sense that its not even that we know each other. We balance and handle the other so well... through some other sense we seem to have for the other. Its like when you really get a subject as school and you don't have to study. It comes naturally. Adam and I... come naturally to one another. Weird. But also very lucky. (Also one of the reasons I married him. No one gets me like Adam does.) And I am very grateful for it.

(Now the hilarious side note to all of this is- until this year, if you had asked Adam what my birthday was he would have thought super hard, then gotten the month right and the day completely wrong.)

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Best Day Ever

Sometimes when you have been stressing for a year about something, and months about something else... and you have been praying, and trying to ignore it and move on... you are given the BEST DAY EVER.

1. I got a second job. Which means, that I am working two part time jobs, which equals about one full time job. And one is at Motherhood Maternity. Which means awesome discounts for pregnant me. And more money so we can pay our bills, and save for baby and following hopeful school.

2. Adam got a MED SCHOOL INTERVIEW!!! Very happy. I made him a special dinner. And no- that is not a metaphor. We have soup chicken.

3. The interview is 6 or so hours away, and its on the 8th of November, a few days after our anniversary, so were going to drive out on the 7th, and spend the night in the hotel so Adam can make sure to be on time for the interview, and celebrate our anniversary! It will be the first time we've been able to go out of town, and have a mini vacation for our anniversary and we are super excited!

Either way, second job=more money, clothes discounts, hopes for the future and that we might be fulfilling what the Lord wants us to do, and an anniversary vacation which includes good dinner and a hotel! (I love staying in hotels. Super weird right?)

Either way- I have to say with the deepest honesty of my heart- thank you SO much for Heavenly Father for the boon. Thank you for answering my prayers that we ARE doing what is right, that we are heading in the right direction. And even if NOTHING of what we are excited about at the moment pans out, thank you for giving us hope, which is the one thing we needed right now more than anything.

Thank you for my wonderful hard working husband who never gets down. Thank you for our growing baby. Thank you for the changing leaves, and the upcoming holiday season. For our families, and our wonderful friends. Thank you Heavenly Father for reminding me that I need to ALWAYS see the rose color in my glasses.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Its Just a Little Life

I have recently re-entered the blog world- meaning that I spend my time in the mornings reading up on everyone else's blogs and I have finally gotten caught up. I love reading about my friends lives, and seeing their pictures, and keeping up with them. One interesting/ weird thing I have seen- is that everyone seems to be going through a rough patch right now.

A rough patch is defined differently for every person, and I agree- a blog is the best place to vent out all those things you need to vent out. I even LIKE reading about all your rough patches because- lets face it. I can sympathize with most of you. We have been there or ARE there. And even if I can't, reading about your rough patch makes me feel like I can complain about mine when I have them and not feel guilty at all about it.

I was in one of those moods yesterday- my best friend and I were texting back and forth about not being able to find jobs, being scared out of our mind because we have kids coming in March, not being able to move because of the lack of money. I was reading blogs about being fired, back stabbing friends, infertility, feeling a lack of direction in life, and my heart was WRENCHING for my friends, my family, and yes- I was having a pity party for myself as well.

And then I came across my friend Kate's blog. (I'm not linking it cuz I am not positive she would want me to, even though she IS in my blog reel.) And I know how stressed she and her husband have been with school, and work, and money- Adam and I have BEEN there. And she wrote a BEAUTIFUL post about the small things that allow her to breath, to keep living, day to day. The changing tree colors, a brisk wind, and it reminded me of two talks that were given in General Conference last weekend.

The first- from President Monson, where he talked about being grateful, and giving thanks for EVERYTHING in our lives. Big, and very very tiny. And it made me think of President Eyrings talk, where he said to do what is right, work as hard as you can, and then just TRUST. I'm not saying this as a message for you- this was a message for me. This was me/ the Lord saying, "All right. You had your pity party. You felt that emotion through. Now move on. Because if you don't, you will never move out of this."

So- I am trying to be better. I am trying to be like Kate. I do my best to do what is right- and then put the rest of what I can't control out of my mind and adopt my Scarlett O'Hara mantra, "I'll think about it tomorrow because tomorrow is another day." And then I look on getting the best of what I can get out of today.

This week, I am glad my babies heart is still beating. (Yes I was freaking myself out that it wouldn't be when I went to the doctors. But it is fine and very fast :) Def a baby Adam.) I am VERY glad that they make Excederin for pregnant ladies. I am glad Adam never gives up. On anything. I am glad for HIS friends as well as mine. I am glad for the men his age who tell him he will love fatherhood. I am glad for the positive people out there who instead of scaring us about parenting tell us that we won't mind how hard it is because it all seems SO WORTH it while you are doing it.

I love this morning. Waking up with no headache. Wanting to kickbox. A good episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch was on. For the warm shower and the smell of my body wash getting rid of the sweat of my workout. For Adams cute face when I come back into the room asking me to cuddle him before I become productive. For him wanting me to come and run errands with him. For my $1 lunchable for my mid-morning snack.

Sigh. Every one of those things is so tiny compared to the wall we seem to be up against. But- I guess a wall is just a bunch of tiny boxes stacked together right? So if I stack up enough tiny GOOD things, maybe I can hop OVER the crap wall from the good one and... move on? Maybe that's a little too idealistic. Or maybe its not enough idealism.

Either way- I hope and pray and dream that you will have idealistic days. That with everything worrying you, and scaring you, and with everything throwing rotten vegetables in your face, you will catch the smile of someone in the crowd that will make you smile, or that at least you will find some joy, some softness, a cleansing in the rain.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Vivid Dreams

I heard when you get pregnant that you have some seriously crazy dreams. I didn't actually think it would affect me that much because... lets face it. I have pretty crazy dreams as it is. For example- if I had a dream where I broke my arm, I would wake up with an actual ache in my arm. Super strange and super true. All my best stories have come from dreams I have had.

But what they say is true- your dreams go super strange when you are pregnant. And for me- that means they are even weirder than you can imagine. Were talking super REAL VIVID dreams that I can remember in the morning- almost every night. Dreams about post apocalyptic America, dreams where I am TIna Faye (I like those ones actually,) dreams about the baby (though I think the Lord is blessing me with those because not a SINGLE one of them has been bad- always comforting.) I have a new book idea every week and they all are things I would NEVER have been able to think of when I was awake. I'm gong to have to dedicate future books to my kids because its them that are giving me the chance to actually write something that main stream young America would like.

Anyways. Lately, I have been thinking about Halloween and what I would want to be. Adam, as said in years past, is not a Halloween person, and since we are in Tennessee this year, we won't have our friends, the Hyde's, epic Halloween party to attend. So I am trying to convince Adam to go to the ward party with me (Adam, and I usually for that matter, HATES ward parties) but I DO love the trunk or treat at ward Halloween parties. And I have been wracking my brain trying to think of how I would decorate Adam and mines trunk, and what I would wear as a costume that would be cheap, and would do with my growing belly.

Yeah- I DREAMED out the ward Halloween party. The whole thing. (Though it happened in my Oregon wards parking lot- not here in Tennessee...) Either way- I actually DREAMED how I would decorate my car, and how Adam and I would dress up, super cheap yet fun, Halloweenie and cute. And its not like these ideas were in the back of my mind either. I was thinking in an ENTIRELY different vein than the inspiration my dream gave me. Adam even thought it was a good idea when I told him when we woke-up.

Anyways. Pregnancy is super weird, and I am actually REALLY excited for it to be over- which is sad because I just hit 16 weeks this week. BUT- I do love the dreams- my mind is being more blown now in my subconscious than it is in real day time life. I guess I have my child and all my crazy hormones to thank for that. And lucky enough I remember them long enough in the morning to be able to write them all down.

Friday, October 1, 2010

And We are Back to the Lists...

...of what is going on in our lives right now :) Because lists for some reason just make it easier.

1. I am working for a formal dress shop in the mall part time. Its easy, and the other girls are nice so I have no complaints. I should be getting a job with Motherhood Maternity here soon as well- so long as my background check doesn't show me as a criminal :)

2. Adam's still working for his dad but actively looking for other work too. He really wants to get a full time research job, and we're looking for one all over the country so who knows where we will end up next.

3. Med school aps and secondaries are in. Now its just the waiting game. Again. We hate the waiting game. And pregnancy has decreased my patience. (Not good practice for birth I hear...)

4. I am re-reading all the Harry Potters. Not really in preparation for the movies- I always see them though I don't like them at all. Kind of like the Twilight movies... But I needed something addicting after Hunger Games and Little Women was just not cutting it.

5. My brother got voted into the homecoming court. Not really anything to do with OUR lives but my mom told me yesterday and I thought it was really cool as well as funny because none of us have really been popular but for some reason my 14 year old brother is at the top of the high school food chain...

6. I have become obsessed with Glee. I don't know HOW I didn't discover it earlier. Makes me sad on all I missed out on. Brittany episode is my favorite so far. Wish my body looked like that.

7. Still in LOVE LOVE with Big Bang Theory. Fourth season is proving JUST AS hilarious.

8. Baby is growing well. I'm still not very big though I am gaining weight... I think its just kind of distributing itself all over. Awesome right? Still- its nice to have some energy back. I love walking or doing a little jogging. Makes me feel just as great as when I was tiny. Which I will be again. Just watch. I have a goal- I have to be skinny by the time we take fourth year pictures and go to the Linkin Park concert. (I want to bust out right?)

9. I hit 15 weeks this week so we should find out around our anniversary what the sex is. So i put a poll on the blog so people can guess. :) My sisters all want another girl (they already have two nieces) Adam and I want a boy but would love a girl I am sure. (She would be SO SPOILED.)

10. Cross your fingers we get into med school in Colorado. That's where we really want to go.

11. We actually miss Utah. We miss Adams boys popping in at the house. We miss Adams sister Amy coming over just to hang and watch movies or eat junk. I even miss the dry cleaners I used to work at. I'm even missing the frost that would be around at this time of year. I think Adam misses school though I'm not sure he would admit it.

So... the same! We are working, I am getting bigger, we enjoy our shows and sitting and doing nothing but laughing with each other and imagining where we will be this time next year. We're enjoying each other, the scenery, the ward, and are genuinely two happy people!