The problem continuing from the last post...
Since I have been sick, Adam and I are both now TERRIFIED of children. After hearing horror after horror story from friends and family about pregnancies and labors that ruined them I went full speed into dieting in June. I WILL walk into a doctors office some day and he will tell me I am in such great shape I have nothing to worry about.
So, even though I am still scared out of my mind about birthing a 10 pound child- I have confidence in my body and my health.
That doesn't mean Adam and I aren't worried though about not having time for a child- what with Adam in med school and all. That doesn't mean we don't worry about out patience with a child that refuses to do nothing but scream all night. That doesn't mean we aren't worried about being the horrid parents we see in church who allow their kids to run up and down the aisles during sacrament, or mess in the purses of the people sitting next to them.
You would think that our siblings perfect children would change our minds. And true- when we are with our nieces and nephews it makes us warm to the idea of kids a bit because if there are perfect kids in this world- our family got them. And if there are perfect parents- it is our siblings.
That also scares us a little more. How will we ever be that lucky? How will we ever be the parents our siblings are?
Maybe we are being selfish. Could be- and I don't feel bad about that. I think Adam and I deserve a little time to be selfish together, and that is just fine. My best friend actually wisely told me that she would know the day she was ready to have a child because it would be the day she woke-up knowing that she could give up sleeping in. And until then- she wasn't ready.
But Adam and I got to the point that we figured a family was going to be hard to come by for us unless we either one, just got so fed up with condoms a kid was worth it, or two, the Lord intervened.
In which enters Heather Klaver.
She is the wife of one of my very greatest freshman friends Silas. Silas and I wrote his whole mission, he called me when he got home, he used to let me sleep on his shoulder during Science and then he and Adam's room-mate would do my homework. Silas and Adam were very close, and Silas was one of the groomsmen at our wedding.
Adam and I got to meet his wife before they got married, they have helped us move since then and etc. I LOVED Heather from the start, the day she and Silas brought their engagement announcement to mine and Adam's apartment. She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met, with the most charming smile, and after hugging hello to her husband, I HAVE to hug her otherwise the day is not right. Because I love her.
She and Silas very recently had a little baby boy and they brought him to the DT reunion we had a while ago (second story here :). Very bluntly, while everyone was eating and I was admiring her with her son I asked her, “Heather, how did you ever decide to have baby?”
She said she actually had to coax Silas into it. But what amazed me is that while we were talking she mentioned almost all of my fears- no sleep, no patience, horrible physical pain- and she assuaged all of them. She said how she had been afraid of all the things I was but- none of it was as bad as everyone made it out to seem.
And then she said something that made me think. She smiled and said- “Being a parent is REALLY fun.” Watching her and Silas all night with their made me think of when I was sneaking Heather embarrassing pictures of Silas before they got married. They laughed, they smiled, and they just enjoyed having this child in their arms. It was amazing to see them.
Don't get my wrong. I am still scared out of my mind about having kids. I feel like I need to take a class on it. But after talking to Heather- I'm not as terrified. I can imagine myself pregnant, and yelling at teenagers to get to the dinner table this minute (triple naming them of course) without horrifying images popping into my mind. I can enjoy again, the idea of being a parent.
I still think it will be a while before Adam and I every decide to actually have kids. (And if any of you have advice or stories on kids, pregnancy etc PLEASE pass it because it is so desired) But I'm grateful I can want it again. It was surprising even to me that what was really such a short conversation could come to mean so much, but I guess all you really need in a power outage is a flashlight right? Or maybe you have the light but you just need new batteries.
Thanks Heather for the double A's.