Sunday, December 20, 2009

Children Confessions Part 2

The problem continuing from the last post...

Since I have been sick, Adam and I are both now TERRIFIED of children. After hearing horror after horror story from friends and family about pregnancies and labors that ruined them I went full speed into dieting in June. I WILL walk into a doctors office some day and he will tell me I am in such great shape I have nothing to worry about.

So, even though I am still scared out of my mind about birthing a 10 pound child- I have confidence in my body and my health.

That doesn't mean Adam and I aren't worried though about not having time for a child- what with Adam in med school and all. That doesn't mean we don't worry about out patience with a child that refuses to do nothing but scream all night. That doesn't mean we aren't worried about being the horrid parents we see in church who allow their kids to run up and down the aisles during sacrament, or mess in the purses of the people sitting next to them.

You would think that our siblings perfect children would change our minds. And true- when we are with our nieces and nephews it makes us warm to the idea of kids a bit because if there are perfect kids in this world- our family got them. And if there are perfect parents- it is our siblings.

That also scares us a little more. How will we ever be that lucky? How will we ever be the parents our siblings are?

Maybe we are being selfish. Could be- and I don't feel bad about that. I think Adam and I deserve a little time to be selfish together, and that is just fine. My best friend actually wisely told me that she would know the day she was ready to have a child because it would be the day she woke-up knowing that she could give up sleeping in. And until then- she wasn't ready.

But Adam and I got to the point that we figured a family was going to be hard to come by for us unless we either one, just got so fed up with condoms a kid was worth it, or two, the Lord intervened.

In which enters Heather Klaver.

She is the wife of one of my very greatest freshman friends Silas. Silas and I wrote his whole mission, he called me when he got home, he used to let me sleep on his shoulder during Science and then he and Adam's room-mate would do my homework. Silas and Adam were very close, and Silas was one of the groomsmen at our wedding.

Adam and I got to meet his wife before they got married, they have helped us move since then and etc. I LOVED Heather from the start, the day she and Silas brought their engagement announcement to mine and Adam's apartment. She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met, with the most charming smile, and after hugging hello to her husband, I HAVE to hug her otherwise the day is not right. Because I love her.

She and Silas very recently had a little baby boy and they brought him to the DT reunion we had a while ago (second story here :). Very bluntly, while everyone was eating and I was admiring her with her son I asked her, “Heather, how did you ever decide to have baby?”

She said she actually had to coax Silas into it. But what amazed me is that while we were talking she mentioned almost all of my fears- no sleep, no patience, horrible physical pain- and she assuaged all of them. She said how she had been afraid of all the things I was but- none of it was as bad as everyone made it out to seem.

And then she said something that made me think. She smiled and said- “Being a parent is REALLY fun.” Watching her and Silas all night with their made me think of when I was sneaking Heather embarrassing pictures of Silas before they got married. They laughed, they smiled, and they just enjoyed having this child in their arms. It was amazing to see them.

Don't get my wrong. I am still scared out of my mind about having kids. I feel like I need to take a class on it. But after talking to Heather- I'm not as terrified. I can imagine myself pregnant, and yelling at teenagers to get to the dinner table this minute (triple naming them of course) without horrifying images popping into my mind. I can enjoy again, the idea of being a parent.

I still think it will be a while before Adam and I every decide to actually have kids. (And if any of you have advice or stories on kids, pregnancy etc PLEASE pass it because it is so desired) But I'm grateful I can want it again. It was surprising even to me that what was really such a short conversation could come to mean so much, but I guess all you really need in a power outage is a flashlight right? Or maybe you have the light but you just need new batteries.

Thanks Heather for the double A's.


  1. You know. You will be a great parent. I can't imagine life without my kids! It would be so boring. And the sleeping in thing.... If you swing it just right, they actually sleep in too. My kids don't wake up until 9 most days. Plus having a little someone wandering around discovering the world for the first time is so exciting. I love watching my 11 month old sit and stare at his hand in fascination or watch my 2 1/2 year olds' eyes light up when he sees the Christmas tree, or a bug- which we always have to stop and look at closely. My life would be so boring without them. And your friend is right- a lot people make things out to be a lot worse than they are. For example, I was terrified to deliver my first son! But in all honesty, that was the most eventful and most exciting part of the entire 9 months! And definitely not as bad and terrifying as I thought it would be.

  2. i have to agree with jenny. i know that every womans experience is different but i remember just before i had marlie people telling me all their horror storied and i was so freaking scared when i felt that first contraction. but sarah, remember how i ate all the crap food in high school?? yeah i still eat that way, and remember how i NEVER exercised?? yeah im still that way, maybe even worse and i tolerated contraction pains till i was 8 cm dilated (which means its too late for an epidural) so i had marlie with no meds... and just like everyone tells you, when that baby is placed on your chest for the first time, all that pain and exhaustion goes away for a while. i love being a mom. yes, its a lot of hard work, and yes i do lose a lot of sleep. some of us just arent lucky enough to get a baby that sleeps through the night, marlie is JUST now getting the hang of it and shes still not consistant - shes 6 months old. but i have never been so happy to be so busy. and remember, everyone elses kids are ALWAYS annoying. but your kids will be different, and other people will think YOUR kids are annoying. thats just the way it goes. i teach the 6 year old in our ward and i dispise almost every single one of them. they will drive me to drink one day im sure. but of course MY daughter will NEVER be like that :) you'll be an awesome mom, and adam will be an awesome dad!! and ive never even met the guy!! haha! (which by the way i still need to come visit you) you'll have so much fun when you have kids, and you'll have them when youre ready. dont let anyone make you feel like youre wierd for not having kids right now. everyone is different. ok my story is done. i want your phone number so i can call you the next time we are in utah so i can come see you cuz its been what? YEARS!!!??? thats unacceptable....

  3. Sarah, I told Bryan tonight after reading your blog, that I have always seen you having 20 kids (which you still can, because you are so young and in shape!) but you have always been one to have so much patience and love for others.....which can be the best qualities a parent can have.
    Anyways, what I'm saying is you will be a stellar mom! :)
    I wondered the same question you had about 'when' you knew it was the right time to have a kid. I had no idea, but it's amazing that when that time comes, you just know. So I think you are doing the right thing.
    Like what Nikki and Jenny said, being a mom is so great! It's so neat that the Lord set up a plan where we can bear, raise and love his children. And from that opportunity, we can experience a glimpse of the love our Savior has for us.
    I have to be honest though, it is rough....but the hardest trials can be the hugest blessings and growth.
    You guys are great! Hope you have a great Christmas

  4. I loved reading this and reading the comments everybody posted... what a relief to know its not ACTUALLY as bad as everybody says it is! I waver back and forth between being excited and anxious, to being sick with nervousness. Is it sad that I am actually more nervous about the labor and birth than I am about actually having the kid? I don't know.

  5. I understand your fear but I look at it like this. Am I ready to have a snotty teenager? No. But am I ready to have a adorable little baby, could I handle that? Yes! The Lord sends us what we can handle that is why we don't birth teenagers. Prenancy is hard, don't let anyone tell you differently, and labor is hard either way you do it, trust me I've done both. The whole time I was is labor with Isaac I kept asking the nurse "This pain ends right?" To which she would respond "Yes, is will end." And then you get to see you little baby, all alive and alert and all of that pain doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore. Then there is the first time your baby smiles, and coos, and then when they crawl and walk and eat big kid food. Then when they call you "mommy" and hug you and give you kisses and tell you they love you. When they think that you are the coolest person in the world and search every room in the house to find you just to show you something they did that they are proud of (even unrolling the entire roll of toilet paper). Well, that is the stage that Lucas is right now so that is where that will end. But nothing compares to how close it brings you to your spouse. You are no longer just two, but now you have something that you both love and created together. You are a family. I would have to say, don't wait. Children are glorious and stressful all at the same time. And the Lord will widen your horizon as you come across difficult problems and help you cope with whatever comes your way. I hope that helps! BTW you look fabulous! What is your secret?